3649: C3649 Despair and Fear

C3649 Despair and Fear

When he first heard Matriarch of Cheng Family say that he looked like Ye Qingyun, Cheng Xuduo was a little happy. However, when he heard what Matriarch of Cheng Family said after that, he couldn't laugh anymore.

"There is no need to say anything else. " Matriarch of Cheng Family took a deep breath and said, "I just want to know why you are doing this. "

"I am doing this for. . . " Cheng Xuduo was interrupted by Matriarch of Cheng Family before he could finish.

"Don't say it was for me. I don't want to hear this excuse. " Matriarch of Cheng Family closed her tired and sour eyes. She felt a throbbing pain in her temple.

. . . "" Cheng Xuduo looked at Matriarch of Cheng Family, then slowly lowered his head and asked, "matriarch, do you still remember Xiao Shu?"

. . . "" Matriarch of Cheng Family did not reply.

"Cheng Xushu is my younger sister. " Cheng Xuduo said, "After Xiao Ya left, father and uncle brought her here. They told you that she was Xiao Ya. You believed them. Many people believed them. "

. . . "" Matriarch of Cheng Family frowned slightly. She really did not want to recall this matter.

She had been astute all her life, but at this time, she was fooled by her own sons and daughters.

It was not something glorious.

"When I first saw her, I knew that she was not Xiao Ya. How could she be Xiao Ya? I admit that they look a little similar. At least they were similar when they were young. " Cheng Xuduo said, "But Xiao Ya is Xiao Ya. She is her. "

Matriarch of Cheng Family's eyelids moved. It turned out that Cheng Xuduo had always known.

"At that time, I was secretly delighted because none of you noticed. Only I knew. " Cheng Xuduo said, "So I think this is a sister given by God to me. A sister who can replace Xiao Ya and be taken care of by me for the rest of her life. "

"But later, you found out that she was not Xiao Ya. You called her Cheng Xushu and sent her away angrily. " Cheng Xuduo said, "I really want her to stay. I saw her crying and wanting to stay. She just grabbed my hand like that. She said to me that she didn't want to leave. I still remember her crying and crying. She called me brother and asked me to save her. . . I still remember the time when she grabbed my hand. How tightly did she hold my hand?"

" But you still sent her away. " Cheng Xuduo took a deep breath and said, "I did everything I could, but it was useless. She was still sent away. I have never seen her again. "

"Xiao Shu left. There is only little lime left in the house. " Cheng Xuduo said, "She was spoiled to the point of being lawless. Sometimes I wanted to beat her up, but she was my sister. I only had her, but. . . She still left. She died. "

"I think you must not know how big of a blow this is to me. You have never cared about what I thought. " Cheng Xuduo looked at Matriarch of Cheng Family and said, "You have said the most to me. Do you remember?"

"Don't be as cowardly and useless as your father. You can't support the Cheng Family like that. " Cheng Xuduo clenched his fists by his side.

"I don't want to be like my father. " Cheng Xuduo said, "I don't want to disappoint you, but the more I grow up, the more I realize that I am a weak and useless person. "

"I am not smart enough, I am not brave enough, I am not decisive enough, and I don't even know how to deal with my negative emotions. " Cheng Xuduo said, "You never know how to suppress your emotions day after day. "

Matriarch of Cheng Family's eyelids moved and slowly opened.

"There is one thing you still do not know. " Cheng Xuduo said, "I have been taking antidepressants for two years. If I do not take this medicine, I will not be able to sleep. If I immerse myself in pessimism all night, I won't be able to control myself from crying. I've even climbed up to the rooftop of the top floor many times. I've thought about it countless times if I die. Maybe I'll really be able to settle this once and for all. "

"But I can't, because if I die just like that. . . Then I will really become a cowardly and useless person, and that will disappoint you. I can't bear your gaze, and I don't even want to be looked at like that after I die. " Cheng Xuduo looked into Matriarch of Cheng Family's eyes and said, "You have high hopes for me. I am not a person who can bear such high hopes. I am afraid that you will find out one day. "

"I am afraid that you will find out that I am the same as my father. " Cheng Xuduo said, "I am afraid that you will use words to describe my father to describe me. "

"You should have told me this earlier. " Matriarch of Cheng Family finally opened her mouth and looked at Cheng Xuduo.

She had the responsibility to shoulder the responsibility of the entire Cheng Family and to take responsibility for her deceased husband. She had been like this for so many years. She transferred this pressure to Cheng Xuduo, but she really didn't know. The pressure that she had resolved with her tears and struggles would crush Cheng Xuduo.

Back then, it was her husband who took her in when she was forced into a corner to protect Ye Qingyun. It was her husband who gave her a home and supported the heavens for her.

At that time, she had regarded herself as Cheng Family.

She knew what the Cheng Family meant to her husband, so she regarded revitalizing the Cheng Family as her own responsibility.

Until now.

Outside, the Wan Family, which was on par with the Cheng Family, was eyeing them covetously. The Cheng Family itself might not necessarily be united against the inner circle.0

They were trying to deceive each other, and the edge of their blade was bleeding.

She had survived all of these, but she realized that none of her children could take over the Cheng Family.

She was disappointed.

Therefore, she placed all her hopes on Cheng Xuduo. She believed that as long as she brought Cheng Xuduo with her, she would nurture a suitable successor.

She didn't wish for the Cheng Family to have a great future. At least, she wanted the Cheng Family to continue developing smoothly.

This was her expectation, not Cheng Xuduo's.

"You don't understand the feeling of being enveloped by fear. " Cheng Xuduo said, "No matter how hard I try, I can't fulfill your request. The feeling of despair is accompanied by the fear of being unable to be discovered by you at all times. I can't say, I can't say, I don't dare to say. "

. . . "" Matriarch of Cheng Family did not respond. She could not say or describe this feeling.

But she could understand it from Cheng Xuduo's words.

"Xiao Ya is different. She is a genius. She will definitely be able to easily meet all your requirements. If I can be like her, I will definitely be able to protect my sister and Cheng Family. I won't let you down again. " Cheng Xuduo looked at Matriarch of Cheng Family.

His eyes lit up.

That was his hope.

"It was Uncle who made Xiao Ya a genius. " Cheng Xuduo said, "Then as long as Uncle's experiment is successful, I will have the same chance. Not to mention becoming a genius, At least, I can become someone who won't disappoint you. "

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