166: I Swear

I Swear

Air froze in my throat. I opened my mouth and tried to explain—I didn't do it. This is only a vision. None of it is real—2

"Yes."

The word that came out of my lips startled both of us. Bai Ye's gaze darkened, and I stood in place, in utter disbelief of what I had just said.

Then it dawned on me. The vision had made me say it. This was the test. The deepest fear in my heart … was that history would repeat itself, and I would never be able to change what happened or right what was wrong.

The secret art of Azure Dragon Palace really lived up to its name. This fear hid so deep inside me that even I wasn't aware of it myself. When Teng Yuan first told me of my past, I had managed to convince myself that I was no longer the same person he spoke of, and the guilt hadn't hit me nearly as hard until I saw the scene with my own eyes. But now, I finally realized that deep down, I had always known that even if I didn't remember the past, I was still the same person with blood all over my hands. Deep down, I had always feared that no matter how much I tried to do the right thing this time, I didn't deserve a better ending, and I would only wind up meeting the same fate once the time came.

Bai Ye took a step forward. He clenched his sword hard just like he did in that vision in the crystal, his knuckles turning pale. "You leave me no choice," he uttered the same words and raised Lightbringer. Before I could do anything to react or defend myself, he sent the blade into my body, down to the hilt.

I stumbled. The pain piercing through me felt as sharp as real, and it drained all the strength out of me. My knees buckled. I thought I'd collapse onto the ground, but the next moment, he caught my limp body in his arms, and I fell into his embrace.

He held me tight, his arm trembling, and I wondered if this was how he had held me last time after I breathed my last breath. I clenched my teeth against the pain, raising my head to look up at him. His expression was still carefully blank, though the glisten in his eyes betrayed him. His lips parted, as if he wanted to say one last word to me, but in the end, nothing came out, and he closed his eyes.

Seeing him like this hurt even more than the sword stabbing through my heart. I still remembered this was only a vision, but everything felt too real. His voice, his scent, the warmth of his embrace … I couldn't help but think that this was really him, and I couldn't help but hate myself for bringing this ending upon us once more.

No. This can't happen. I had already made him go through this hundreds of years ago, and I can't let it happen again.

"Bai Ye," I said in a weak voice. Raising a feeble hand, I clasped my fingers around his over the sword hilt. His hand was as cold as mine, trembling like the rest of him. "I understand it now, Bai Ye … The sin I've committed, and the hard decision that I forced you to make. I'm so sorry … I know I deserve the death you gave me, and if dying again could make things right and bring back the lives of those innocent people, I'd be more than willing to do it, over and over again."

I gripped his hand. Summoning all my strength, I pulled the hilt up, and I gritted my teeth as the blade started moving back out of my body. "But if my death can't change what has already happened in the past … then I'll choose to live. I'll cherish this second chance and use it to atone for my sins. I don't want to see all those souls lost beyond the cycle of rebirth forever, and I will do everything I can to help get them back. I don't want to see you like this either—"

I let my other hand cup his cheek, tracing the lines of sorrow at the corner of his eyes, wishing that I could smooth them with my touch. "I don't want to see you bear this pain of killing the person you love. I couldn't stop it last time … but I will make things right this time, for you, and for all those who I've wronged before. I don't know if I'm really a different person in this life, but I know that you've taught me how to be strong and stay true to my heart, so I will do exactly that. No matter what happens, no matter how hard it is, I won't let history repeat itself. I won't let Twin Stars overpower me ever again."

Moving my hold on his long sword from the hilt to its blade, I embraced the pain and gave it one last yank. "This is only a vision," I said feebly but clearly as I pulled its tip out of my body. "None of it is real, and it will never happen. I promise you, Bai Ye. I swear."

With those words, my strength finally drained. My head grew dizzy, probably due to the loss of blood, and the world started spinning. Just as I thought I was going to lose consciousness, the warm embrace around me disappeared, and the smell of carnage cleared. Mount Hua faded from my view, and I was back at the pavilion at the meadows, staring into the golden light.

I touched my hand to my heart. The ache was still throbbing, but there was no more blood or wounds on my body. The vision had ended. I turned a bit nervously towards the disciple next to me, "Did I pass?"

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