252: A New Light

A New Light

I understood then what had been troubling him all this time. "I won't do anything rash," I promised again, knowing that he feared for my ill fate even more than I did. "Tell me the details … How is this done? What would happen to Twin Stars if I do succeed?"2

He heard the implied question in my words. "It won't make you more susceptible to the influence of demonic power," he reassured me. "The bonding technique is the only way to strengthen that connection between you and Twin Stars. Even as your enhanced power starts to resonate more with the swords, your mind won't be affected and led astray. I will make very sure of it this time."

He brushed his fingers over my hair gently, letting out a slight sigh as he lowered his gaze. "But … It's a different story regarding the sword spirit. There is a spell to gain deeper access to one's soul while they are fatally wounded, which would allow you to channel her power into yourself given the affinity between the two of you. But that affinity is mutual … She can affect you in the same way you can affect her, and it will only be time before she realizes it."

"As in … she would be able to use the same spell on me if she knew it existed?"

"Not only that. Even if you are the one to try to siphon her power first, you still have to fight her consciousness in order to do so. If your power is weaker than hers, or if your control slips, her thoughts and personality can creep into your mind and affect you. In the worst case …" He paused as if to collect himself. "If she wins completely, then her consciousness might even take over yours, essentially turning the situation around and making her the one to consume you instead."

That was a dark approach indeed, and I wondered if invoking such a spell was even more reckless than bonding with a demonic sword. But I suppose I should expect none less—after all, this was a measure to counter the power of Twin Stars. So I smiled and touched my fingertips to the worry lines knitting Bai Ye's brow. "You seem to have very little faith in me," I teased, "to think that I'll be the one losing to her."

He blinked. Then he smiled as well, although it looked somewhat forced. "I have all the faith in you, Qing-er. But this is more than just a battle of will against an enemy. If you do succeed in the spell … It is not only her spiritual power that you will gain." There was a slight tremble in his voice. "To recover your power as the sword spirit means fully reawakening your soul. It will be as if you retrieved your previous life completely. Memories, emotions … everything from the past will flood your mind the moment that spell completes …"

He trailed off, and I found myself shaken by the immense fear seeping through him. So this was what he was truly afraid of … That even if I could win against my twin, I might succumb to the power of my own past and lose myself in the end.

"Will the part of me that was corrupted by Twin Stars come back as well?" I asked softly. "Or … Are you simply afraid of me remembering our past?"

His face paled. Only the early dawn light that was gradually turning from blue to pink gave his cheeks a little color. "That demonic power in you had been cleansed," he said. "But the pain you suffered, the hurt, the hate … were all real despite the cause. Those feelings can confuse you and overwhelm you in ways that we can't foresee." He shook his head. "Nothing is worth such a great risk to your life. Nothing is worth you remembering those dark days either."

It had been a while since he last talked like this, with that desperate sorrow flowing deep in his eyes. "Bai Ye," I breathed, half-wishing that he would be the one to forget about our past someday. "There might have been hurt and hate in the past, but they were the result of a mind twisted by demonic power. They were not how things should've been after the one hundred forty-seven years that we spent together. Are those feelings truly real, without the right circumstances to anchor them?"

Meeting his hesitant stare, I let my hands cup his cheeks. "You still don't trust me enough, Bai Ye. I love you, and that will never change as long as my mind remains under my control. I can't undo what already happened in the past, but I can look at it in a new light. I will not make the same mistakes now that I have the clarity of mind, and I will not be fooled by those false emotions. I will know which feelings are real once I regain my memories."

He tensed at my declaration. "Qing-er—"

Knowing that he would keep trying to convince me otherwise, I slid a finger over his lips, stopping the rest of his words. "That is not to say that I've decided to try this spell. There are too many risks and unknowns, and we need to think through each one carefully. But I want you to know that this—me facing our past—is not one of them. I'm not afraid to remember all those years we spent together, because I know there were far more days of pleasant memories between us than otherwise. It is a blessing, not a burden, to keep all those moments with me."

He looked at me in silence. Then he smiled, genuinely this time. "Maybe I am the one that needs to start seeing things in a new light," he said, his gaze landing on the hint of orange and magenta edging the horizon. In the warm glow bathing over us, he plucked my finger out of the way and pressed his lips onto mine instead.

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