253: The Demons in Ourselves

The Demons in Ourselves

We returned to the cabin just as the sun broke free of the horizon. Thanks to our small window, however, drawing the curtains was sufficient to keep the room dim as evening, and I insisted that Bai Ye should catch up with some sleep before we returned to the village again. After a futile protest, he obliged, and I curled up next to him as I watched him quickly fall into a nap.2

He looked exhausted. Aside from the sheer amount of time he had spent reading for the past few days, the emotional toll of those findings must've weighed on him, as I could see a slight frown knitting his forehead even while he slept. It was no surprise—I wasn't without doubts myself either. Despite my best effort to accept the news with an open mind and convince him that I had the confidence to face such a trial, the many possibilities of how this could turn out troubled me deeply.

We didn't know enough about my twin sword spirit. Not the limit of her power, not the extent of her knowledge. Even the level of bonding between her and Twin Stars was only a vague guess. What if she was more than what we gave her credit for? What if she had other plans set up elsewhere, similar to the ritual at East Village, that we were yet to discover? She must have learned a fair share of forbidden art during her time as well, and there was no guarantee that she wouldn't already know a counter-solution to what we just learned.

Even if she had no more unpleasant surprises for us, the risks were still too great and unpredictable. With no similar experience to guide me, I had no clue how to secure my success with a dark spell such as this, and the consequence of the slightest mishap was enough to send shivers down my spine. The sword spirit's penchant for blood and violence was obvious. If her consciousness managed to get a hold of mine …

I let out a sigh, my gaze fixed once more on Bai Ye's taut features. I couldn't afford to let things turn back into the way they were in my previous life, but I couldn't afford to lose him either. What should I do if this approach came down to be the only solution we could find?

A sudden wince tightened his eyebrows. "Qing-er," he murmured.

I snapped out of my musings and inched closer to him, a bit disappointed that his much-needed sleep ended so quickly. "I'm here," I said softly.

He didn't open his eyes though. Only a gasp disrupted the steady rhythm of his breathing. "Qing-er," he said again, the tone turning urgent. His hand clenched a little, grasping the cover of the pillow it was resting on.

Was he dreaming? I rarely heard Bai Ye talk in his sleep, and I wondered if it was our earlier conversation bothering him. "I'm here," I repeated and clasped his hand, hoping that he could feel my presence through that dream. "Don't worry," I added, "I'm not going anywhere."

But his body only tensed further, and he reached forward as if trying to grip something. "Stop …" he rasped, his breaths quickening into choppy pants. "No … Stop …"

My heart clenched. This was a nightmare of what he feared? I had sensed from his recent melancholy that the new findings troubled him, but I still didn't know that it was to this extent. After all, he was the one to offer me comfort when we first discovered the sealed swords in that cave, reassuring me over and over that I'd be safe from Twin Stars. I hadn't expected that he was hiding so much dread behind such a calm facade.

"Bai Ye." I pushed him gently, trying to wake him up. As much as he needed sleep, a restless one like this wouldn't help him. "It's just a dream. Open your eyes. Everything is fine."

He seemed to have heard me. Though what I said must have become something different after the hazy working of his mind, as he grunted and squeezed his eyes tight as if in pain. "Don't …" he pleaded, "No …"

My next words didn't get a chance to leave my throat when his body jolted, his chest starting to heave in labored breaths. He must be running in that dream. A few incoherent sounds escaped him, and his arms started to fight mine, thrashing as if desperate to get a hold of something he couldn't reach. A look of horror split his face as he called my name again.

"Bai Ye!" I clutched his shoulders then and shook him. "Wake up! Look at me! It's just a dream!"

"Stop!" He lurched with another gasp, his eyes flying open. Those dark pupils, unfocused and filled with terror, landed on me as he continued to draw quick and shallow breaths.

"It was a dream," I said softly, brushing my fingers over his cheek. His erratic heartbeat was almost palpable through the bare touch. "Don't worry, I'm right here. Everything is alright."

He stared at me then, as if struggling to bring himself to believe that I was still safe and sound. It took a moment for my words to settle in. Then he closed his eyes and let out a long exhale.

"Qing-er …" he whispered and wrapped his arms around me. His heart was still ramming as he buried his face in my hair, sniffing the scent around me to calm himself. "I'm sorry. I … fell deeper asleep than I intended to."

The apology made me ache. "Don't be sorry for telling me how you truly feel." I gathered him gently. "Those fears won't stop haunting us simply because we ignore them, Bai Ye. We have to face them if we want to break free."

And that was when I realized what I must do—not just to settle our score with the sword spirit, but also to lay the demons in ourselves to rest.

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