260: Make Me Remember

Make Me Remember

Color drained from his face. "You are not," he said firmly. "Leave this to Mount Hua. Teng Yuan is perfectly capable of handling it without our help."1

He rarely talked to me like this, with a tone so commanding that left no room for argument. I winced, though not from his attitude. I knew this was his way to hide the uncertainty and fear deep inside him. "And how is he going to handle it?" I countered. "How do we know what approach he's going to take? With which spells? Our enemy is a sword spirit of Twin Stars, after all. How do we know whatever he does won't affect the swords in some irreversible way, or worse … affect me by accident?"

Silence stretched between us as the implications sank in. I pressed my hand over his. "We can't run from this forever, Bai Ye. Because even if we do, there's still going to be a risk no matter which path we take. I know you want to keep me safe, but wouldn't you rather give it our best to control the situation, instead of finding ourselves cornered by the circumstances some day when there are no more choices left?"

His brow knitted. "That doesn't mean you have to try an approach so heretic," he insisted. "Soul spells play with a power even darker than a demonic sword, and as far as we know, no one has even attempted something like this before."

"Because they don't fully understand what it takes to succeed. Dark powers can be a danger to work with, but it doesn't have to be as long as we study them carefully and thoroughly." I halted, knowing that he had learned this the hard way many times already, but I didn't let that deter me. "That is why I need your help. To tell me everything you can possibly find about this spell, and tell me what I can do to give us the best chance at success."

He shook his head. "It's not that simple … The spell is a straightforward one. It is what happens after you summon it that is unpredictable. Because of the connection between you and your twin, she'll be able to see through every thought in your mind during that time. The least she can do is to sway you by saying precisely the things that hurt you most the moment you are at your weakest …"

He trailed off, though I already knew where he was leading to. "You mean when my memories flash back to me?" I asked softly. "Is that what you're worried about most? That she might use our past against me?"

The familiar look in his eyes told me the answer. "I can't imagine how you would feel at that moment. Shocked … Confused … Those memories will collide with your current ones, blurring the line between past and present. It's too easy to get lost in the conflicted feelings, and the sword spirit will make sure to take advantage of it."

"Then prepare me for it." I held his gaze, silently telling him my resolve. "If you don't want me to go through this the hard way, then you can help me remember, can't you? I might not have the memories of our past, but you do. Can you show it to me like how you put that vision into the crystal you gave me?"

His eyes widened, as if that thought had never crossed his mind. It took a moment before he shook his head again. "To invoke the emotional resonance you felt with the vision … requires spells that consume too much spiritual power. I can do it with a few scenes, but not for what happened every day over a hundred years."

"Do it without the emotional resonance then." I didn't miss any subtle point that he evaded. "Isn't it better that way in the first place? My feelings from the past were affected by the demonic sword's power. They weren't real. But if I could see the memories without those feelings, I could keep a clarity of mind and rely on my own judgment for once. By the time I use that spell against the sword spirit—if I do use it eventually—I'll be able to protect myself from being led astray."

My persistence obviously didn't sit well with him, as the expression on his face turned into almost a plea. "Qing-er, you promised me you won't risk yourself—"

"I promised you I will take no chances until we're ready for the challenge. So I'm asking you now to help me get ready." I placed a finger over his lips, stopping his protest. "I'm not going against her tomorrow, and I won't if you insist on telling me not to. But at least let me take a step closer to that goal, will you? No harm will come to me right now if you simply help me retrieve some memories of the past."

I let my hand brush lightly against his cheeks, giving him time to consider it. "Besides, I meant every word when I told you that I want to remember. This is for much more than just the sword spirit … There is a part of me that feels missing, Bai Ye. A part of me that I wish to fill every time I look at you and wonder what kind of blessing has brought you to me. I know you consider those memories a burden … But it was all the days and nights from years ago that bonded us together, and I feel incomplete without those pieces inside me."

Something gleamed in his eyes, though he said nothing. I leaned in and planted a light kiss on his lips. "So please, make me remember. Not just to save you or to defeat the sword spirit, but to let me get back a piece of myself that should have always belonged. A piece of myself that tells me why you are the only person I could ever love."

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