261: Join Me in the Past

Join Me in the Past

He remained quiet for a long time. I tried my best not to push it too hard, leaving him space to fight his inner struggles. Convincing Bai Ye wasn't going to be easy, but I was determined to make this one count.2

It seemed like forever before he spoke again. "I know of a spell that can let you glimpse into the memory of someone else." He sounded hesitant, though he continued nonetheless. "It should be safe, since the scenes you see that way will remain a separate experience from your own consciousness. But …"

"I won't take advantage of it and take on the sword spirit without you agreeing to it first." I promised again quickly, not letting the doubt get a second chance at changing his mind. "This is a big battle. I can't and won't fight it on my own. You have my word."

He hesitated a little more. "I can't guarantee there will come a day when I agree to it," he said honestly. "But if you insist … I can start with showing you this spell. Like you said, those memories are a part of your soul, and you have the right to ask for them back."

Relief washed through me. This might not be a huge progress in the grand scheme of things, but it was the best I could imagine him to concede to at this point, and I was more than content with it. I was just about to eagerly accept his offer when he added, "However, remember that this is different from seeing visions through Twin Stars or a crystal. You will not be watching the events as a bystander, but rather from my perspective. As a result, you might be able to sense my feelings from time to time …" A wince crossed his face. "Be sure not to become attached or influenced by them. It shouldn't be hard to do, and that is all I ask of you."

Something tugged at my heart. I remembered the way he had mentioned those days to me, the darkness and despair in him while he watched me being consumed by the power of the demonic sword. Of course he'd be worried about me getting affected now by those gloomy thoughts. Although a part of me hoped for nothing other than feeling what it was like to be him, I didn't want him to get more worried than he already was. "I promise," I reassured him. "I'll be very careful, and I'm certain I'll be so busy trying to catch up with everything that I won't have time for spying on your thoughts anyway."

He smiled, the air around us lightening a little. "Then let's get ready," he said. "This is going to take a while."

~ ~

The spell was easy to learn, similar to most meditation techniques that I had used before. I mastered it in no time, but as we sat down into position, palms pressed against each other to channel the spiritual power flow between us, my heartbeat was still thudding loudly in my ears.

I couldn't help the strange thrill racing through me, mixed with a tinge of uncertainty. This was really happening … After living this new life in oblivion for so long, I was finally getting that missing part of me back, and I was finally going to know how the bond between us came to be hundreds of years ago.

Bai Ye must have noticed my nervousness, as he curled his fingers lightly around my hands. "If you are unsure at any moment, just pull away. Disconnecting our spiritual power will stop the visions immediately."

I nodded. "I don't think I'll need it though." I took a deep breath and smiled. "I'm more excited than afraid. I've been hoping for this to happen for a long time … Maybe not under the same circumstances, but I'm glad that it's happening after all."

He looked at me quietly, his beautiful dark gaze twinkling with too many emotions. "Nothing will be changed by what you see, Qing-er. Memories shape us, but they don't define us. Remember who you are and don't let the past weigh you down."

I squeezed his hand. "You should tell that to yourself more often," I said softly. "Neither of us are who we once were anymore. I won't mix up the past and the present."

He returned me a smile and shifted back into position, a signal that it was time to start. "Are you ready?"

I gave him the affirmative and closed my eyes. His voice started rising around us, soft but steady in a slow chant.

I relaxed my consciousness, setting it adrift to the rhythm of his incantations. The rise and fall of his tone were luring and soothing, pulling my attention away from my own existence and towards his. I followed with my own spell words, letting our minds come closer, closer, joining each other open and free.

The pulse of his power over my palms was palpable. I pulled that force towards me, guiding its flow and coaxing it to mingle with my own. It took almost no effort. His presence was too familiar, too intimate, a presence that I knew better than my own. I let the two streams of power merge into each other, circling me, and as they coursed in harmony through my body, I felt his consciousness starting to envelop me, blurring the line between our thoughts until it felt as if we were one and the same.

The world around us started to fade away, the scent of the cabin and the texture of the cushion beneath me becoming more and more obscure. The only thing left was him, us, and a faint beckoning in the back of my mind that led me into the distance. I followed that beckoning. Through a veil of haze, I saw Mount Hua. His old hall on the main peak. Twin Stars … And the sword spirit.

Then I felt my mind slipping into somewhere new.

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