269: Someone Special (Bai Ye's Memory)

Someone Special (Bai Ye's Memory)

Silence stretched between them. After what felt like centuries, Bai Ye finally found his voice. "I'm not angry at you," he said again. "But what you suggested was not a feasible approach. That technique you found … is not appropriate."0

The sword spirit gave him a sideways glance. "Not appropriate in what way?" she asked, still somewhat incredulous.

Bai Ye grunted as he finally laid down the books that he kept holding in his arms. He couldn't bring himself to explain this to her. It felt too wrong, and he felt like he'd be tarnishing her just by mentioning something like this. But if he didn't … what if she went too far trying to find the answer for herself? What if … what if someone like that suspicious disciple earlier tried to take advantage of her curiosity?

He shuddered at the thought. She wouldn't have been in such a situation if not for his sake, and he would never forgive himself if she got hurt as a result of it. However difficult or mortifying it might be, he had to tell her the truth, and he had to make sure this idea never comes back to her again.

So he cleared his throat and forced himself to speak. "That technique …" He averted his eyes, fixing them on the books instead of her and willing his voice to remain level. "That technique … is not a standard cultivation process. It has to be practiced by … a man and a woman at the same time … and it focuses solely on the exchange between them."

The sword spirit cocked her head. "I figured that much just from the name of it. It's called 'dual' cultivation after all. But isn't this precisely what we need? To exchange our spiritual power and share it between us?"

Well, she didn't pick up the meaning between his lines at all … Bai Ye sighed in frustration. This girl was too unsuspecting. How was he supposed to explain such a concept at all? How was he supposed to make her understand it without having to put everything to words explicitly?

"It's the way it's done that is the issue," he mumbled at last. "The way that exchange happens … is similar to … what a husband and wife in the commoner's world would do behind closed doors."

There, he said it. A rush of blood toiled in his stomach, half from embarrassment and half from the guilt of that sinful image resurfacing in his mind again. Ever since she brought up this topic that day, those unspeakable thoughts had been haunting him day and night, and now that the culprit was finally in front of him …

He didn't dare look at her. He could only hope that her understanding of this world would be sufficient to let her grasp the meaning behind what he just said, so that the torturing conversation could stop right here.

The time it took her to process the information seemed like eternity. Then she spoke. "So to practice this technique, do we have to be husband and wife?"

"…"

Bai Ye had imagined many ways of how she might react to his answer, but this was not one of them. "N-No," he stuttered, his eyes drifting back to her. "Not in title, if that's what you mean."

"Then what is it that troubles you so much?" The puzzlement in her voice was genuine. "Why is it inappropriate, if it's not something we are not allowed to do?"

Bai Ye was dazed by such a naive question, so much that he forgot to feel embarrassed for a moment. How could she still be missing his point? "Because this is not what you'd do with just anyone!" he blurted, wishing he could knock some common sense into her head. "Because you should only be sharing this level of … closeness … with someone you know and trust and—"

He paused mid-sentence, taken aback by the sudden, deep disappointment crossing the girl's face. "So that is the reason why you were so offended by my suggestion …" she said quietly in almost a whisper. "Because you don't want to practice something like this with just anyone … Because you don't trust me?"

"…"

Bai Ye was out of words. He stared at her, in disbelief that anyone could have misunderstood his words in such a way. "That's not true!" He grunted in agony. "H-How am I supposed to make you understand? I wasn't offended, and this is not about what I want. This … this type of physical proximity … is supposed to happen between two people that share a deeper connection between them. It's not something you should take so lightly, and certainly not for the sake of my cultivation advancement!"

Those words made their way out of his mouth before he had a chance to think twice, and he surprised himself by saying them. Most cultivators wouldn't agree with such a silly opinion. Back three years ago, even he himself wouldn't have agreed either. The love for sword art had been the only thing he held true for over the decades, and he wouldn't have placed anything else above the opportunity for his advancement. Certainly not anything that had to do with a girl. But since when had these new thoughts creeped into his mind?

The girl watched him quietly as he all but bellowed at her. "I think I understand now …" she said pensively in the end. "You meant this is something I should only do with … someone special? Someone that's worth it? And I need to think twice before I make that decision?"

Before Bai Ye had the time to respond, she smiled at him. "I've thought twice about it now," she declared. The earlier disappointment in her eyes was replaced by her usual twinkles once more. "So I'm not taking this lightly. And I still want to try it with you … Not just because I want to help you with your advancements, but also because you are that someone special to me."

At that moment, Bai Ye was sure his heart stopped.

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