284: Madman's Thought (Bai Ye's Memory)

Madman's Thought (Bai Ye's Memory)

Bai Ye forgot how long he had sat there that day. She lay quietly in his arms as if deep in slumber, and it reminded him of all the nights when he woke up in the middle of the dark, finding her sound asleep next to him like this. Sometimes she would tighten her arms around him when he shifted in bed. Sometimes she would stir a little, mumbling his name. Most of the time, she would simply lie still like this in his embrace, and he would admire her peaceful beauty until he slowly drifted back to sleep.

But this time, her beauty was no longer peaceful. It was stained with blood, charred with hatred. She would never open her eyes again, and even if she did, she would no longer smile at him. Because she said she would never forgive him.

Bai Ye felt something inside him slowly ripping open. He felt cold. With trembling fingers, he tried to brush away a strand of loose hair off her face. But the moment he touched her, he felt something change.

It was her body. She was … fading away. Her skin was turning pale, almost transparent, and dark crimson light was seeping out of her as if spilling through shattered glass. The weight in his arms started growing lighter. A surge of panic hit him. "No …" he rasped, suddenly realizing what was happening. "No, please, no—"

Before his last syllable faded, the light around her burst into a bright glow, so blinding that he had no choice but to squeeze his eyes closed. Then the weight in his arms was gone. When he opened his eyes again, she had vanished, leaving only Twin Stars clattering to the ground.

She was a sword spirit. She had no physical body. When a spirit died, whichever form it had taken to manifest itself in the physical world would return to what it was at the very beginning—nothing. She was gone, and she left nothing behind for him to even remember her by.

Was that how much she hated him? Was that his punishment for making this choice?

Bai Ye picked up the blood-stained swords. He stared at them as if in a trance. He remembered the days long ago when he first tried to make her learn to use them, when she would purse her lips and complain that swords were weapons to kill, and that she wanted nothing to do with them. How right she was … If only he had listened. If only he hadn't tried to push her onto a path that she didn't want for herself in the first place.

"I'm sorry …" He held the swords close to his heart. He felt something warm trickling down his fingers, and he wondered if he was holding the blades too tight that it cut himself. But he didn't care. "I'm so sorry …" he whispered again, and this time, he felt the warmth rolling down his cheeks instead, pattering onto the metal.

But being sorry wouldn't bring her back. She was gone … along with a piece of his soul. Forever.

~ ~

Chu Yang and Teng Yuan returned at some point. They said something, probably to condemn the sword spirit and console Bai Ye that he had made the right choice. Bai Ye didn't listen. He didn't care. He sat on that same blood-soaked spot for days, watching the snow fall endlessly from the sky. He didn't move. Because he couldn't think of a reason to.

He watched the injured disciples being carried out of their hiding place. He watched Chu Yang and Teng Yuan run around tending to their wounds. He watched, but he saw nothing. All he could see was the scene of her last breath replaying itself in front of his eyes. Sometimes, it made him feel like his grip on reality was slipping. Sometimes, it made him feel so angry that he hated everyone at Mount Hua who was still living. Why did they get to live, when the one he cared about more than anything else in this world was gone?

Teng Yuan came a few times, making sure everything was alright. He said something, though Bai Ye didn't hear. He heard nothing until Teng Yuan repeated himself over and over again, and he finally recognized the words to be: "You need to help us. You know the power of Twin Stars best. The only one who can save them now is you."

He didn't understand it at first. Teng Yuan shook his head, and he pointed at Twin Stars, repeating himself in plainer language. It took Bai Ye a long time to grasp it. To save someone from Twin Stars … They needed to save someone from Twin Stars.

To save someone from Twin Stars?

Clarity suddenly came back to him. Maybe he could save her … Demonic swords didn't let go of the souls they consume so easily. They kept them locked inside its dark realm, where they slowly feasted on that soul power until there was nothing left. But maybe … maybe there was a way to slow that process? Maybe there was a way to loosen the sword's hold on those souls and release them back to the physical world someday?

It was a madman's thought. But Bai Ye was a madman now. He sprang to his feet in such haste that he swayed, unused to standing after however many days he'd been sitting there. There must be a way … There must be a way to bring her back.

"Bai Ye!" Teng Yuan called behind him as he climbed onto his flying sword a bit clumsily. "Where are you going? We need your help!"

He was done helping them, Bai Ye thought darkly. He had already given them the life of the only one he loved, and he had nothing more to give. Now, he needed to find a way to right his own wrong … before it was too late.

He already missed his chance once, and he wasn't going to let it happen again.

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