258: chapter 258 - …you were the only woman I loved

chapter 258 - …you were the only woman I loved

"I tried to convince myself that I shouldn't love you but rather the woman who saved my life since there would be no me without her but the attraction was like a ray and I kept hurting, feeling it was wrong to feel that way towards you."1

"I was hurting you on purpose because I felt that my father sent away the woman who saved my life because of you so why should I make you happy? I thought you'd leave but you stayed and each time, the feelings grew stronger." 

Robin was not bold enough to take in her facial features whilst explaining everything so his head was lowered. 

Sabrina's eyes were closed, as she leaned back against the cushion, digesting his words.

"It was after our last night and when our divorce was finalized, that I began to feel the emptiness."

"Sabrina, I thought that if I had the woman who saved my life with me, then I could get over you and my conscience would be clear but it wasn't. It was rather the beginning of my problems because you were constantly on my mind," he said bitterly.

His voice grew husky from the dryness of his throat so when Sabrina opened her eyes and saw the bottle of water, she picked it for him.

He smiled with gratitude and drank a reasonable amount before saying, 

"Thank you." 

Closing and dropping the bottle beside him, he was quiet for a while before gathering the courage to continue speaking,

"To my shame, I thought that perhaps, doing it with other women would help me to get over you but it didn't work either and any time Zayla was close to me, instead of the love I thought I felt for her, it was disdain and I had to keep tolerating her because I thought she saved my life."

Sabrina was surprised to hear all this. All the time when Robin appeared in public with Zayla, they looked perfect and she had no idea that things were not working out between them.

As for Robin's flings, she knew that he might not be able to even remember their names but the regret was heavy in his voice.

"I'm sorry but I realized it too late that all along, you were the only woman I loved."

Did he love her? Sabrina was finding it hard to believe that she only heard the words she was dying to hear from him after their divorce and both of them were a crying mess under the dim decorative lanterns.

"To be honest with you, I tried so hard to fight it but it only got worse and I hated every woman who came close to me. I couldn't even have any erections and you were constantly in my dreams."

This was the second time Sabrina heard him say that and she wondered if he would begin to feel the attraction he felt towards other women again if they reunited. 

Many things merged to cause the pain in her marriage and she didn't want to go through all that anymore.

Robin knew that some of the things might come out offensive but he believed that since they were both hurting, it was the perfect opportunity to put all the hurt together so that if things got better between them, then nothing and no one from the past would come between them or to cause them problems.

"It was only when I began to accept that indeed, I was in love with you that I felt better yet, I was too ashamed to approach you but every time I met you at events and got close to you, I would feel so much peace in my heart and long to spend time with you every way I could but I didn't get a chance."

"Devin and Martin were there. For other men, it was easy to intimidate them to give up but not those two men. Then you started showing strange symptoms and with our coincidental meetings in the hospitals, I was suspicious that you were pregnant but you kept denying it so I got someone to spy on you."

Robin smiled as he recalled that day.

"Sabrina, the day I found out that you were pregnant was the happiest day in my life. It just wasn't about the pregnancy but the fact that I had a genuine reason to be closer to you."

Sabrina was finding it hard to believe that part but she already had a plan on how to test him on that and did not want to delve into it. 

As such, she gave him her listening ears.

"Your pregnancy was the only excuse I could use to shamelessly meander my way into your life again, though I knew there was no possibility for us being together, especially when Zayla saved my life and was pregnant for me."

Robin paused at that part. He must have taken the blame all this while but it was time to equally point out her errors if that would help her to understand the length at which she also contributed to causing the damage in their marriage.

"Sabrina, you were partly a part of the problem." Sabrina's eyes widened as he spoke,

"If you had told me from the onset that it was you, things would have been different. What was the point in keeping it a secret when another woman was enjoying the reward of your sacrifice?"

Sabrina gritted her teeth, recalling Zayla's confession of how she manipulated her, for which reason Sabrina knew that one of her greatest mistakes was in trusting Zayla but she also had to defend herself.

"I didn't know it was the reason why she was with you," Sabrina yelled. She was upset, not with Robin but with Zayla and herself. 

If only she had probed a little. 

Robin must have been cold towards her then but he was always vocal and would have told her if she got him a little upset.

"Anytime you said that she saved your life, I wanted to know how but also felt that I shouldn't care. You should have been clear with it," she pushed the blame back to him.

Robin's brows raised and he was not ready to allow her to escape this time, pointing it out in clear terms,

"Me, being clear with it? You saved my life and yet you kept it a secret from me and now you are telling me to have been clear with it?"

There was a slight anger in his tone as he recalled the damage her secret caused both of them.

"Tell me where I was wrong. I never loved Zayla but only kept her close to me because of the sacrifice you made."

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