194: Need You More

Need You More

~ SASHA ~2

"But…" Sasha breathed. "But you're the ten. I'm the seven."

Zev blinked. Her expression was so tortured he'd expected… well, not that. "Sash… I don't understand?"

Sasha rolled her eyes and pushed both hands back through her hair. "Sorry, sorry. It's a stupid thing from when we were kids."

"What thing?"

She put a hand to her face like she was embarrassed. Her cheeks dragged down as if she might cry and Zev reached for her, but she caught his wrist before he got a hold of her and stopped him. "No, I think I need to say this," she said, then cleared her throat and met his eyes. "There's this stupid thing in my world where people get rated on their looks and their money and… it's stupid and shallow and it doesn't really mean anything. But people… rate themselves. And each other. On a measure of ten. And Zev, you're a ten. You've always been a ten. And I'm… not. And everyone knew it from the first day we were together. It's why they all believed it when you left. Even my parents, Zev. They weren't surprised when you left. They were surprised it took you so long."

"What?!"

Sasha swallowed. "Zev, you married down. Or, mated I supposed. You mated down."

His head spun. He thought he knew what that meant, but… "How can you say that?"

"Don't you remember when we got together in high school and everyone kind of laughed about it?"

He frowned. "They laughed?"

"Yes. They laughed. A lot. They didn't stop laughing for like, six months."

"Why?"

"Because by human standards you're so far out of my league it's literally laughable."

Zev frowned. "That's ridiculous."

"No, Zev, it's not. Like I said, even my parents recognized it. They thought you were great. They just didn't understand why you were with me."

His face got fierce, and her heart swelled when his fist clenched. "That's… that's just wrong, Sash. I wish I'd known. I would have told them—"

"C'mon, Zev. You said it yourself… you're better. At everything. You're bigger, stronger, handsomer, funnier—you're just better. You're… you're mythical. And I'm just normal."

"Sash," he growled. "I remember now, the way you used to talk yourself down back then. I never intended—"

"No, no, this isn't that. I'm trying to get you to see: What you've just said to me… Zev, that's the most amazing thing anyone's ever said to me. And I believe you. And I love you even more for it. I really do. But it makes no sense to anyone in my world, and I'm willing to bet it's making no sense to anyone in this world either. You're more than me. More of everything. To say you need my approval or my validation or… or anything. It just doesn't make sense."

"You're the one who's not making sense, Sash," he muttered. "The Chimera value you already—purely by virtue of being female, if nothing else. But beyond that. They understand you because I told them about you. They know you're valuable because you're valuable to me. That's the Chimeran way. When we find our mates they are… for us. I don't know how to say it better than that. Everyone understands that."

"But I kept making mistakes, and they were all challenging you and—"

"To win you, do you get that, Sash? They were challenging me because they value you and they wanted you for themselves."

Sasha blinked. "This isn't… I don't think you're understanding what I'm saying."

He tipped his head, his jaw twitching. "Oh, I understand now. But I'm disagreeing. You think because I'm physically superior, that that makes me more valuable than you. And I'm trying to get you to understand what the Chimera already know: My physical abilities are worthless unless my heart is strong. And my heart is only made strong by you. When you believe in me, Sash, I can do anything. When you value me, I'm invincible. Without you I'm just… Lhars."

It was so unexpected, and the look on Zev's face when he said it—like he'd eaten something that he couldn't decide whether he liked the taste of or not… Sasha snorted.

"Lhars isn't a bad thing to be in my world," she said dryly, meaning to compliment him, but he looked at her sharply and she realized it was the wrong thing to say. "I didn't mean it like that," she put her hands up. "I just meant you're both… physically… excellent examples of… maleness," she ended lamely.

Zev examined her for a moment. "Is that all you want, Sash? A specimen?"

Her stomach plummeted to her toes. It came home to her then that that's how he'd been treated by the humans in his life. Like a breeding stud. An animal—a valuable, beautiful animal. Valued for what he could do, but never seen for who he was.

She scooted closer to him on the bed and put a hand on his thigh. "No, Zev. No!" she reached for him when he didn't soften immediately, stroking his face. "It's you I want. Who you are. Your heart. Your love. Your smile. Whether you're physically… what are you now, or not. I just want you. I love you."

His eyes drifted closed and he put his hand over hers on his face.

"It's just you that I want too, Sash. Your strength, your humor, the way you love… I need you."

"I need you too," she whispered, stunned to learn that he felt as vulnerable as she did in this—perhaps more so.

She'd always seen him as so strong and confident… she'd never considered that his mind might have been twisted.

Of course, she hadn't known he was a science experiment until a few days ago, either.

Putting both hands up to cup his face, she held his eyes. "I love you, Zev. You're mine. My mate. And I'm so glad that I can say that. I don't feel like I deserve you. But I love you and I'll keep loving you—even in the next life. Remember?"

His face softened and his lips tipped up. Without another word, he leaned in and took her in a kiss, his mouth hot and desperate, seeking.

And as he pushed her back, down onto the bed, and crawled over her, Sasha almost laughed with the joy of knowing how much she loved him, and how much he loved her back. 

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