418: Decisions

Decisions

~ SASHA ~1

Sasha looked at Zev. This plan felt all wrong to her. As if she would be selfishly putting herself in safety while the others took all the risks. 

You'll be out of it, remember? Zev said in her head. Not only is he right that you're needed over there, I'm wondering if we should go a couple hours ahead of everyone else, so you're conscious by the time they arrive.

But what if something goes wrong here?

Zev sighed. We can't have it both ways. What's more important—having your decisions guide us for the new home, or to protect those still in the old one?

Sasha frowned. Then she asked the Alphas that exact question. "There are reasons why it's incredibly risky for me and Zev to go through the Gateway independently. That means he has to take me across unconscious. Our plan was to drug me after everyone had gone, then he would carry me last—so I'd be here to make all the decisions until it was all out of our control."

"No, Sasha-don. You're needed in the new place. Your orders can be followed here in the event of any crisis. But we have no idea what we're facing there. You're needed."

They debated back and forth—Sasha mainly arguing against. Something about it just didn't feel right. But in the end, it was agreed by all that it was more important for her to be there. 

"Okay,' she said to Zev. "Okay, fine. I guess you and I are going first, then those who live here now will follow—let's alternate males and females so there are warriors on the other side to help us with protection and guidance as well. We'll also space out the Alphas. So you talk among yourselves and figure out what order you're going in. I want you interspersed with the others so there are always leaders on both sides."

Everyone nodded or murmured agreement, and while the Alphas discussed what order they should take, Sasha turned back to Zev. But he was looking at his brother. Their eyes locked and Zev's jaw tight.

Sasha wasn't sure what they were saying to each other, but whatever it was, Lhars wasn't happy about it. 

She looked at Zev, but didn't try to make him have two conversations in his head at the same time. She knew he'd fill her in later.

***** 

~ ZEV ~

I don't want to do this. I can't do it. I can't leave her.

Lhars' voice in his head was insistent and loud, his face a hard mask. Zev didn't drop eye contact.

You committed. You practiced. We can't risk sending anyone else through, now, Lhars. I'm sorry. I get it. I do. But there's no other choice.

She's my mate. My new mate—you want me to send her into danger alone—and with who knows how many males? 

I want you to do what I've done and what countless others have done and accept that we are all at risk and sometimes we have to put our individual needs aside for the greater good. You think I wanted to let Sasha go over to the human world without me? But look where it's gotten us. Sometimes the hardest things are the most rewarding.

You're taking your mate through the gateway before any of this begins because the two of you can't be separated!

We can't be separated because it may well kill one of us, and if it kills one of us, it kills both of us! Zev snarled back in his head. Trust me, this isn't what she would have chosen. She's over there getting antsy about it because it makes her feel guilty to keep herself safe when others are at risk. Like you.

Lhars went quiet for a moment, shifting his weight so he pressed more into Kyelle's shoulder. 

She turned her head and smiled at him, and his face softened immediately.

Zev snorted, but then realized they'd all teased him for being the same way with Sasha. 

Lhars didn't take his eyes off Kyelle, but continued to speak to Zev through the link. 

I am not unwilling… I'm scared I'm incapable.

Zev sent his brother a rush of empathy and the image of them standing shoulder to shoulder. 

I know the feeling.

My heart pounds even thinking about leaving her—especially for this. That world is beautiful, Zev, and I can't wait to get there. But we don't know what will be there. And what if something happens to me? Kyelle has to lead her own Clan, help the females, and fight off the darkness of my loss all alone?

Even through the link Lhars' voice broke at the thought.

Zev raked a hand through his hair and tried to look like he was paying attention to the conversation between the Alphas and Sasha about the order of their movement from Thana to the new world. But he couldn't take it in.

I told you, I know the feeling.

Lhars visible sighed, then rubbed his face with a tense hand. 

How did you do it? How did you let her go through? How did you stay away from her when you went? 

Zev gave a very slight shake of his head. I had no choice when she left. I tried to stop her, he admitted. But I couldn't get to her, and everyone else—including you—were telling me to let her do what she needed to do, he pointed out.

Lhars eyes snapped to meet his and his face went sad.

I'm sorry, brother. I had no idea. I thought… I thought you were underestimating her. 

Zev just stared at him.

Lhars blew out a breath. Okay, okay. I get it. 

They were both quiet for a moment, then Zev sighed.

I can't answer this for you, Lhars. All I can say is, you're needed. And she's needed. And it's in different places. Please. Don't add another layer of fear and complexity to this for Sasha. 

Lhars' jaw tensed and he looked away from Zev to watch Kyelle offer her ideas to the Alpha discussion. He shook his head. 

I just pray we all get through this safely.

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