358: His demons

His demons

" Damn! What's the matter with you second brother?"0

All the senses that have given up on him started to return, all the voices returned to him like a crashing tide and his demons were shackled back in the hell where they belonged. 

He turned around, his legs cramping as he slowly turned around to look at Lin Yu. The person behind him was Lin Yu, not Luo Xin. He was neither dark nor looming and most definitely not menacing.  Currently, Lin Yu was scowling heavily as he stared at him with questionable and annoying expressions. He was on the ground and most probably stumbled because of his sudden scream. Pointing to the brush and paintings, Lin Yu spoke " what in the world is wrong with you? Since last night you are acting weird like you are sitting on pins and needles! Why did you have to scream so suddenly? You gave me such a scare that I tripped on my own foot! What did I do? Are you still mad at me for burying third brother in the snow? I told you I'm sorry there is no need for you to make me eat snow!"

Lin Yu was really annoyed, he was just walking to his room dammit! Was that a crime? His brother screamed so suddenly that he tripped face first in the snow! Lin Yu spluttered the snow that got in his mouth then looked up at his second brother who looked at him with starry eyes? Huh? Why was he staring at him like he was some courageous knight who saved him - the princess? What's going on? 

" Are you okay second brother? " Lin Yu couldn't help but ask. He wasn't being insensitive when that happened to Lin Yan, Lin Yu was really young and he didn't know what happened to his second brother and no one told him either. And Because Lin Yan was really sensitive no one bought the topic up - Lin Yu only knew that his second brother was bullied and the woman who bullied him was already gone. 

As for how much he knew - it was all censored by the four brothers who didn't want to tell something so ugly and sinister to their younger brother and Lin Yan was too ashamed to tell something like that to his younger brother as well. 

It was his greatest shame! 

" it's nothing, I'm just getting bored of staying at home and wanted to relieve some of my frustration," said Lin Yan as he helped Lin Yu up, then he picked up everything that Lin Yu had dropped and handed it to him " are you okay?"

"I am fine," said Lin Yu with a wince, his leg was hurting even more of the winter and the fall only made things worse for him but he couldn't take his anger out on his elder brother could he? " are you sure that's the case? Or you are trying to hide something? That was quite a scream"

Lin Yan smiled and waved the matter away, how was he supposed to tell Lin Yu about this? He said something ubiquitous and walked away. 

He went back to his room, afraid that he might get scared of someone's shadow next and started at the wall of his room. He didn't know what was wrong with him, it has been year's but he was still jumping on tenterhooks at the slightest mention of Luo Xin. If Lin Yan was a man of the modern world he would have known that what he was experiencing was post-traumatic stress disorder. An ordeal that was developed when one got involved in physical trauma or any threat of corporal harm. It could be characterized as repeated nightmares, flashbacks and an urge to flee. 

Lin Yan swallowed and picked up the jug from the table next to his bed. With trembling hands, he brought the cup to his lips and took a nice long sip - with Luo Xin's return he was now on the verge of losing it all. He was living with an intangible terror that wouldn't just budge. Like a ghost, it was following him and the worst thing about this was that it made him remember the time when he was suicidal. 

Such things they take a permanent hold on you without you knowing about them. Back then, these things had put him in a dazed hold,  Lin Yan couldn't make half of what was going around him - his mind went hazy and then one day he couldn't hold on. 

And tried to kill himself. 

He couldn't because Lin Jing protected him and brought him back from the gates of Hell.

Lin Yan appreciated it, because after he nearly offed himself. He realised that his actions were no less than that of a coward, a loser who didn't even stop to think about what would happen to his family after he was gone.  After that Lin Yan never had such thoughts, even now he wasn't feeling suicidal instead he was feeling something that he always felt when he was trapped in the Luo house. 

Terror. 

It was practically embedded in his very soul. Hidden itself behind his heart and was now flowing in his blood.

Lin Yan wanted Luo Xin to come out so that he could deal with her for once and for all but he also wanted her to stay away from where he wouldn't have to see her but if he didn't deal with her now then these games would never end. 

" damnit! " snapped Lin Yan rubbing his face as he fell back on his bed, to not be able to control his life. Again. How fucked up it was? 

He didn't want to live in fear forever, he too had a woman to love, whom he adored and liked but his fears wouldn't let him get close to her! Even more so now, right now he couldn't even bring himself to think of kissing Su Wan - not because he was disgusted by her for being a woman but by himself for being too dirty and disgusting! 

In these past few years, he has barely learned how to have a better hold on his emotions.  And now Luo Xin's return - this newfound fear was back. 

" Yan" the way she said his name, Lin Yan didn't even have to look at her. Her tone cleared all his doubts and he knew that Su Wan was here to question him. She meant business. 

Most probably she heard him scream.

Fuck. 

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