362: [Bonus chapter]

[Bonus chapter]

"The kind with memories" Lin Yan looked away, skittish and frightened. Even Su Wan's intense gaze couldn't banish his fear as the nightmare flickered in front of his eyes once again. Lin Yan could feel his heart start to beat wildly, and Luo Xin's horrible face once again began to flood his brain. Damn it! Damn it all! Lin Yan didn't want to lose his composure in front of Su Wan. He was too afraid of being despised by her.  1

But then something snapped inside him, and everything was lost - his control, composure, and determination to hide everything from her. 

He buried his face in his knees, so hard that he saw stars behind his closed eyelids. Worse, he felt that fear overpowering him again. He heard his window close with a bang and knew that Su Wan had left. Maybe she was satisfied with his answer. Or perhaps she didn't want to stay with him anymore, a fully grown man crying like an emotional wreck in front of his wife. Then he heard a small squeak of someone dragging a stool as if they were going to sit on it. He jumped once again, startled at the slight sound as well. Dear lord, his nerves were totally frayed, weren't they? 

"It's me, Yan. Su Wan." Su Wan's voice broke through the silence, calming his over taut nerves. 

Lin Yan blinked his eyes as he slowly readjusted himself to the darkness that had fallen around the two of them. Sure enough, Su Wan was sitting next to his bed, looking at him with what he thought was 'worry'...

"Why don't you leave? You don't want to listen to this, Wan Wan, believe me," said Lin Yan, now most of his anger was gone, and what replaced it was guilt and curiosity. Shouldn't she be angry at him for being so rude to her? Why was she still here? 

Su Wan shrugged, not looking bothered at all. As if she wasn't the one he was being rude to, she laid her head on the edge of his bed and looked up at him. "I guess I need some company?"

"You are wasting your time. I will never answer the questions that you want me to answer," said Lin Yan, finding it too hard to look for the correct words about how to put what he was thinking correctly. "I don't want to talk about this Wan Wan, so please leave -"

"Just sleep, Yan. I never said that I came here to ask you what you are hiding from me. Believe me, I have no intention to force you to do anything you don't want to. In fact, I'm quite sure that one day you will tell me everything on your own without me trying to force it out of you. So go to sleep." 

"Then what are you going to do?"

"Sleep, duh," she responded as if he had asked an idiotic question "what else is there for me to do? At such a late hour?"

"On that stool?" asked Lin Yan, totally surprised. 

"Otherwise, what? Are you going to invite me to your bed? " 

Lin Yan didn't answer because he knew he couldn't stomach the idea of sleeping with a woman. After all, what he was going through was not something everyone could cope with. Right now, he was pretty terrified by the idea of sleeping with a woman by his side - even if it was the woman Lin Yan liked and married. Su Wan sitting next to him on a stool, not too far but not too close either, he could cope with that, for now. Someone who truly cared about him watching over him. But of course, he felt pretty guilty about sleeping on a bed while she was going to sit on that stool with nothing but a blanket. 

"Stop, stop whatever you are thinking about," said Su Wan, suddenly putting a halt to his out-of-control thoughts, "just go to sleep and let this be the end of tonight."

Lin Yan sighed. He didn't know what to say, they were only married for less than six months, yet Su Wan seemed to have a complete grasp of his habits. It didn't even take a moment for her to know that Lin Yan was overthinking things. Though he wanted to invite her to his bed, as soon as his head hit the pillow, he ended up sleeping. I guess he was too tired. 

Lin Yan woke with a start, feeling disoriented and confused. He didn't know what he was doing or where he was, but then his eyes fell on Su Wan, who was sleeping on his bed with half of her body lying on the stool. Only then did the memories from last night flood in, and he realized that he had broken down in front of her once again. Seeing his wife in the harsh light of the morning made his face burn with embarrassment. He couldn't decide whether he was happy at the idea of Su Wan sleeping inside his room, watching over him like a guardian angel, or embarrassed. It was embarrassing to think that a grown man like him was hiding behind his wife, who was half his size, but he was happy to see her face upon waking up. It was good to see someone care about him so much...

Su Wan's brows were scrunched up as if she was uncomfortable, and of course, she was uncomfortable. Lin Yan knew he wouldn't enjoy sleeping on a stool for an entire night while watching over someone as heartless as him who slept peacefully without waking up. But he knew that she was asleep next to him on the stool just because she was worried about him. 

Feeling guiltier than before, he leaned forward to brush away the unruly strands of her hair and ease the frown that was decorating her forehead. Just as he brushed away the locks of her hair, Su Wan, who was sleeping soundly, scowled unhappily before her eyes fluttered open, and she looked around in her daze. 

Then before Lin Yan could stop her, she abruptly sat up straight only to slide down on the floor with a bang.

Disoriented, he saw his wife look around before her eyes locked on him, her brows furrowed like she couldn't understand what was happening. 

Not knowing what to say in such a sudden always situation, Lin Yan reached for her hand as he spoke up, "Good morning, Wan Wan. Had a nice sleep?"

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