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The seasons came and went and they revolved around Joshua. He was the center of Jennifer's world. She watched him grow and develop, day by day, and it was a never-ending wonder as he began to walk and talk and reason. His moods changed constantly and he was, in turn, wild and aggressive and shy and loving. He became upset when Jennifer had to leave him at night, and he was still afraid of the dark, so Jennifer always left a night light on for him.

When Joshua was two years old he was impossible, a typical "Terrible Two." He was destructive and stubborn and violent. He loved to "fix" things. He broke Mrs. Mackey's sewing machine, ruined the two television sets in the house and took Jennifer's wristwatch apart. He mixed the salt with the sugar and fondled himself when he thought he was alone. Ken Bailey brought Jennifer a German shepherd puppy, Max, and Joshua bit it.Advertisement

When Ken came to the house to visit, Joshua greeted him with, "Hi! Do you have a ding-dong? Can I see it?"

That year, Jennifer would gladly have given Joshua away to the first passing stranger.

At three, Joshua suddenly became an angel, gentle, affectionate and loving. He had the physical coordination of his father, and he loved doing things with his hands. He no longer broke things. He enjoyed playing outdoors, climbing and running and riding his tricycle.

Jennifer took him to the Bronx Zoo and to marionette plays. They walked along the beach and saw a festival of Marx Brothers movies in Manhattan, and had ice cream sodas afterward at Old Fashioned Mr. Jennings on the ninth floor of Bonwit Teller.

Joshua had become a companion. As a Mother's Day gift, Joshua learned a favorite song of Jennifer's father - Shine On, Harvest Moon - and sang it to Jennifer. It was the most touching moment of her life.

It's true, Jennifer thought, that we do not inherit the world from our parents; we borrow it from our children.

Joshua had started nursery school and was enjoying it. At night when Jennifer came home, they would sit in front of the fireplace and read together. Jennifer would read Trial Magazine and The Barrister and Joshua would read his picture books. Jennifer would watch Joshua as he sprawled out on the floor, his brow knit in concentration, and she would suddenly be reminded of Adam. It was still like an open wound. She wondered where Adam was and what he was doing.

What he and Mary Beth and Samantha were doing.

Jennifer managed to keep her private and professional life separate, and the only link between the two was Ken Bailey.

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He brought Joshua toys and books and played games with him and was, in a sense, a surrogate father.

One Sunday afternoon Jennifer and Ken stood near the tree house, watching Joshua climb up to it.

"Do you know what he needs?" Ken asked.

"No."

"A father." He turned to Jennifer. "His real father must be one prize shit."

"Please don't, Ken."

"Sorry. It's none of my business. That's the past. It's the future I'm concerned about. It isn't natural for you to be living alone like - "

"I'm not alone. I have Joshua."

"That's not what I'm talking about." He took Jennifer in his arms and kissed her gently. "Oh, God damn it, Jennifer. I'm sorry..."

Michael Moretti had telephoned Jennifer a dozen times. She returned none of his calls. Once she thought she caught a glimpse of him sitting in the back of a courtroom where she was defending a case, but when she looked again he was gone. pqdm.com