64: Lillian's pain

Lillian's pain

During that night, she seemed more docile, and Lucas recalled how she even got drunk. But despite that state, she managed to push him down onto the ground; with a tear-stained face, she said she was tired. 'My will to live diminishes by the day.' It was one of the first things she said to him when they first met, but he had not taken it seriously. No, it was not that he hadn't taken it seriously. 0

'I just didn't know how to deal with it.' That was why he took those words with a grain of salt, but he blamed himself for being so careless after seeing her in that state.

It was the first time she had invited him to her room. Lucas wondered if she did this because he would be gone on a longer mission than usual. He didn't think much of it. But now that he looked back on it despite her weak state, she had dressed up slightly, and they had a nice dinner together.

She also talked a lot about topics that he was curious about but never asked, knowing it would overstep his boundaries with her. When they first made that agreement, there were several rules. One of them was respecting the other's privacy. While he usually is not the type to follow the rules, Lucas knew he would have to make an exception for her.

He felt like he would be stepping into some dangerous land mine if he asked.

So for her to be the first to open up surprised him. He could clearly remember everything; she spoke in such a gentle tone. It almost didn't sound like her at all.

If they were not in the same room, he would think it was an imposter.

'Did you know? My mother didn't want me in this world; she didn't want to give birth to me. It seems before I was born, she tried all sorts of ways to get rid of me, even if it meant harming her own body. But alas she was forced to give birth to me since it seemed a great mage said I would bring blessing to the family. My father took those words very, seriously and so my mother had no choice.

It seemed ridiculous to rely on such superstitious nonsense but my father trusted that mage a great deal. My mother was only one of his many wives, but it seemed he treasured her more than he did the others. Their first fight was over my issue, and they never made up since my mother passed away when she gave birth to me.'

If it is a story like that, then that man's reaction towards Lillian made sense. Occasionally, it was only occasionally where he would see a pained look on his face. So even a man who has committed such vicious acts can look like that.

It was not just him, though, but even Lillian. He knew she must have suffered a lot to become twisted at such a young age. But that was the first time hearing such a story.

'A lot of the old servants would treat me like dirt. They were my mother's people and blamed me for her passing. They constantly reminded me how unwanted I was every day and how my mother wanted nothing to do with me. But I still grew up arrogant and proud, all because of my brother. I didn't realize how much I needed, nor how much I missed him until he left.'

When he heard that part, he wanted to burn all those servants alive; how dare they?

'Say, Lucas, family is a peculiar thing, isn't it? Especially with the current state of the Empire. Such things as family ties and attachments will get in the way. One has to prepare themselves to get rid of their family members if need be. But that is not the society I desire.'

If she doesn't desire this chaotic world and wants peace, that stupid woman, then why does she not say it directly?

'All my life, I have played the villain; that is why till my last breath I will do so.'

His thoughts broke off when Orion spoke up. "Have you not fried that fish enough?"

Lucas gaze fell onto the stick with the fish on it and immediately drew it back. It was half-burnt; one could barely make out what it was. Orion, however, took one of him and started to eat.

"Normal people would apologize by now."

Lucas sighed. "Why do I have to?"

"You appear to be in deep thought. Is there anything I can help with?"

Normally he would have told the other person to mind their own business. But for some reason, he was in a talkative mood today.

"How much do you know about Lillian?"

"I have heard all sorts of rumors regarding her. But those rumors are not the reason why I decided to follow her."

"They aren't?"

"Pardon me for saying so, but as much as she is a villain in the Empire's eyes. She is also a normal girl."

Lucas' eyes widened at those words. "What makes you say that?"

"Yesterday was not the first time I met her. It was the first time we spoke for a long time, but not the first time I met her. Does miss Lillian sneak out of town a lot?"

"Yes, she frequently leaves during the middle of the week. I am told not to follow her since I would hinder her exploring." Lucas respected her privacy that much. Moreover, as long as she was still in the Empire, he would be able to reach her at any time, so it did not bother him.

During those days, he would return to his tower in the forest and take a nap. If he remained in the Ageha family residence, he would not get a single moment of rest. Whenever Lillian is not around, those female servants flock to him like flies.

"It depends where she would go, but it won't be a surprise if she disappears for a few days. I believe two weeks was the longest."

Or was it three? That girl has a bad habit of pushing her duties to him whenever she would leave for a long time. She would always send a message whenever she decided to extend her trips.

Lucas felt like he already knew where this conversation was going.

"I met her during her outings. I was helping out at an orphanage; the kids there had lost their families due to the recent war. While working on better arrangements for them, Miss Lillian became a frequent guest. That orphanage was a church, and it seems the children made friends with her whenever she went to pray."

He blinked and was startled at those words. "Lillian, pray?"

He never thought he would hear those two words in the same sentence. Lucas thought the man was joking but saw the serious expression on his face.. So during one of Lillian's trips, she went over to a church, prayed, and even made friends with the children? This story felt like something out of a fairytale.

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