548: Careful, Careful

Careful, Careful

GUESS WHAT? This book will be COMPLETING in early December! *Flails* I can't believe it's finally happening. I'm already grieving losing my time with Reth. But, I'm also SO excited to share the whole picture with you! Keep an eye on my announcements over the next week or two because I'm planning a BIG giveaway and Christmas event for early/mid December for all of us to celebrate and say goodbye to Reth & Elia together! Gaaaaaaahhhhh!2

*****

RETH

When Aymora crept in a few minutes later, he was himself again, but still lay along Elia's back. To his fierce relief she'd returned to her human form almost as soon as she fell asleep.

He curled an arm over her head, wrapped his body around her, spooning her from behind, and he cupped her belly in his free hand.

Aymora remained quiet when she saw them together—her forehead stopped pinching. Behind her Jayah entered and also looked like she was sighing with relief. Jayah tapped Aymora on the shoulder and indicated she would wait outside. Aymora nodded, then turned back to face them.

She stood for a long moment at the end of the sleeping platform, then moved her lips, barely letting air pass them, so even Reth had to listen closely to catch the words.

"She's exhausted. We have to keep her calm."

He nodded. "She's still struggling with fear. I don't know all that happened while she was gone, but whatever it was… she's traumatized."

Aymora nodded, her eyes sad. "That will not pass quickly, Reth."

He nodded sadly and stroked her belly.

"And you are too," Aymora breathed.

He frowned. He wasn't traumatized. He was stressed. Tired. He wished the whole world would go away so he could just be with his mate. But he wasn't traumatized. They had avoided outright war—though that battle…

Reth sucked in a deep breath. "Not traumatized. But I am reaching my limits. All I need is time with her. But I fear my duties will get in the way of even that."

"Reth. Reth, look at me."

He braced himself for a fight before he dragged his eyes up from Elia to meet Aymora's gaze—that was far softer than he'd expected. It put him off balance.

"You were almost marked a traitor to your own people. Your mate was kidnapped and nearly killed. You sent her away, and almost lost her while she was gone. At the same time a former ally became your enemy, and your best friend was almost killed trying to keep you alive. You've met battle and plots for your death—and now you are facing potentially losing your cub if things don't go well. Don't tell me you aren't traumatized. You are still Anima. You are not God Himself." She smiled to soften the words, but he heard the conviction in her tone.

"Well… when you put it like that…" he grumbled.

Aymora snorted softly.

Elia stirred and they both froze. But she only snuggled deeper into Reth's chest and went still again, her breathing slow and deep.

"She needs help, Aymora, and I don't know how to give it."

"None of us, not really," Aymora said sadly. "But we do what we can, and we trust the Creator and love to get us through the rest."

"Except the cub… the delivery…"

"We have not lost a mother to childbirth in several years, Reth. And a cub for even more years. But… hers is unique. What will be, will be, Reth. You know that," she said, holding his gaze as he let that truth sink into his bones.

To the Anima, offspring were precious. But the getting of them… it was often a journey of failure and pain. Even those that grew in the womb might not make it through the pregnancy. And though recent developments had allowed them to keep all the recent mothers and young alive, it was the way throughout history.

Childbirth, the delivery of offspring—especially cross-species offspring—was rich with opportunity for failure. The Anima accepted this as part of life. The young would live or die. The mother would live or die, as the Creator chose.

Reth had always grieved with the families who lost. But this was the first time it was his mate, his offspring.

Suddenly his former detachment, his air of faith—that the Creator chose for a reason—didn't seem so much of a balm, as a crutch.

He would give anything to keep Elia safe, to bring Elreth into this world without danger. He would give himself it if meant they would both survive.

But this was one thing he could not do. He'd caught a glimpse of that day the night before when Aymora and Jayah fought to keep Elia's body from evicting the cub before her time. He had no false beliefs that he would, in any way, choose the outcome of this.

That was what made it so terrifying.

In all other areas of his life, what he chose, what he worked for, what he brought his own strength and power to bear against… it moved. Usually in the direction he chose. But this?

Here had no control. None.

He almost wet on himself.

Aymora shook her head. "Alpha-Male Bullshit."

Reth frowned. "Fearing for my mate is alpha male bullshit?"

"No, Reth, holding any belief that you have power in this world on any day, let alone the day of your offspring's birth is alpha male bullshit. Even this war, even the Rite of Survival… you had no control in any of it. Oh, you fought," she said, waving a hand at him when he was about to protest. "I  do not say the Creator doesn't use your power and strength. He does. I see it every day. But stop telling yourself that you are, in any way, capable of controlling the world around you. You are not. And you are old enough to have realized that by now."

She looked at him sternly.

Reth raised an eyebrow in challenge. "And this is just alpha male bullshit, is it?" he said tightly.

Aymora frowned. "What do you mean?"

"You telling my mate your story… interesting timing, Aymora. No attempts there to control me, or put pressure where you believe it should go?"

His dear friend frowned and looked down at the furs, as if she truly considered what he said. "I suppose you're right," she said. "But that wasn't how it started. I meant… I meant to let her know she wasn't alone in her fear. That I understood it. Had lived it—and lived through it. Because if that story taught me anything, Reth, it taught me that love is precious, and never to take it for granted. One thing I will say for you, and my daughter, is that you both know what you have, and value it. That is… that is a balm to my old heart."

Reth snorted. "You aren't that old."

She raised an eyebrow at him. "Old enough to remember wiping your ass," she said with a twisted grin.

Reth laughed, then swallowed it when Elia stirred again. He and Aymora both looked down at her, then at each other.

"Never leave her alone again," Aymora warned him.

"I won't. I vowed it," he said seriously.

"Then the rest we leave in the Creator's hands," Aymora said and sighed.

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