420: AGONY

AGONY

"That's not my home. It never will be. I don't belong to this pack." Iris came to the decision, where she was tired of trying to fit in.

If after everything she had done, they still turned their back on her so easily, literally saw her as an outsider, then there was nothing she could do would matter. 

Cane moved closer to her and caressed her head, coaxed her to look at him. "I put them in the dungeon, what do you want me to do with them?"

"Is that even matter?" Iris asked, her blue eyes dimmed. Sadness trickled from her voice. "They will hate me anyway."

Cane understood that. Her, standing up for herself would only make the awkward relationship between her and the pack member became even more strained and his involvement didn't solve the matter. The depth of the problem was deeper than Cane could control. 

"I will make sure they will not disrespect you again." 

However, the problem was beyond that. What Iris wanted was their acceptance, with them respecting her, didn't mean they would accept her. 

Iris told Cane about how she felt. 

"Is that too much for me to ask to be accepted by the pack? After all I have done?" Iris gritted her teeth, she became emotional again and she hated herself for it. She didn't want to cry, but her tears, threatened to fall from her eyes. 

The pain returned and it was too strong for her to numb her feeling again. 

"I did everything I could to help them! I took the beatings when I tried to help you all! But, it never stopped me! I help you with whatever I could, despite all my weakness! I keep trying to help, but why they still can't accept me!?" 

Iris screamed at this point, warm tears fell on her cheeks, as she was so fed up with the way they treated her. 

"Why it is so hard for them to accept me when I did nothing, but to help them?!" Iris swatted Cane's hand away so harshly, she could feel her wrist was in pain, but she ignored that. 

She was in so much pain than she could say. 

"I never tried to harm them, neither I have the intention to do so! But, why they keep hurting me?!" Iris was seething, her whole body was shaking. "You can see it yourself Cane. There is no way you can't see the way they look at me! They see me as an outsider, they still see me as Gerald's daughter! There is nothing I can do to change their perspective! I didn't want to forgive them!"

Iris knew, there was nothing Cane could do to change their perspective too, people's heart was not something you could easily understand and alter, the way you did with your schemes. 

But, Iris was very tired to be understanding, she wanted to be selfish and let him knew how hurt she was. 

"When they begged for forgiveness from me, I don't want to forgive them! I don't feel like I want to forgive them! So, why they expected me to forgive them and blame me for not meeting their expectation?! Why would I forgive them when my heart not want to?!

Why would I become the bad person when I didn't want to forgive them?! I don't owe them anything! Why they look at me like I am an evil person for the way I feel when they could feel anything about me?! They picture me as an evil person because I can't forgive them, but why they don't feel sorry to treat me badly in the first place?!"

Iris felt petty and shallow for bringing up all the things she had done for them, but she was in so much agony right now, it detached her from other feelings and worries. 

Alpha Gallot was right. Hurt people, hurt people. 

And right now, she wanted to hurt Cane with her words, making him felt guilty, when the blame was not completely on him, but Iris wanted him to hurt, because she was in so much pain and she wanted him to feel it too. 

"Just because I am deaf, doesn't mean I don't know what they are talking about! I am not stupid! I am not an idiot! Why they degraded me and thought I am not smart enough! I know what they are talking, I am not stupid! I am a runt, but I am not stupid!"

At this point, Iris was hysterical, she simply said whatever crossed her mind. Her words were jumbled up and they were incoherent in one point, as she jumped from one thing to the other. 

Cane felt this pang in his heart when he saw her in so much pain. "I am sorry."

"I don't want your 'sorry'!"

But then, Iris didn't know what she wanted too, she didn't know what she wanted to hear and this frustrated her even further, sent her into spiral of endless emotions. 

And when Cane saw she was out of control, as her emotions overwhelmed her, he moved closer to hug her, but she pushed him away with all of her strength and stood up. She staggered a bit before she ran away into the forest. 

By this time, it was already dark and it was not safe for her to be out there, especially inside the forest. 

Without a second thought, Cane immediately stood up and chased after her, it was not hard for him to finally stopped her, but Iris was furious, as she struggled to free herself from him. 

"No! Don't go there!" Cane would let her go wherever she wanted, but not to the forest.  0

"Let go!" Iris screamed at him, this was the first time she was consciously fighting him, and then she saw it again, the black wisp… no, the soft smoke formed a wolf, the same shape like what she saw before, but it was the color of black, yet Cane didn't seem to see it. 

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