543: Is helping supposed to be this draining?

Is helping supposed to be this draining?

[FLASHBACK]1

"Silas!" Ivy roared, storming her way to the small apartment couch where Silas was sleeping. She stopped a few steps from the couch, face crumpling in dismay as she looked around at the trash scattered everywhere. 

There were countless empty bottles of beer around, some empty chips, boxes of pizza, and some white substances on the coffee table. She didn't need to examine what that white substance was. Ivy was already aware of Silas's problematic addiction.

"Silas Zhu!" her voice thundered, and it echoed in the small apartment. She held her hands into a tight fist, grinding her teeth, eyes bloodshot at the man on the couch. 

"Ugh…" Silas grunted and winced, holding the side of his head on instinct. He peeked from his one eye, catching a figure standing not far away from him. "Who —"

"I said get up!" Ivy angrily marched toward the couch, slapping Silas's shoulder to wake him up. "What the hell are you doing right now?!" 

"Ah!" Silas shielded himself from the slaps landing on his shoulder, forcing himself to get up. When he sat up, he held Ivy's wrist, frowning deeply, looking up at her. "What are you doing, Vee? Do you know how that hurts?"

His breath reeked of alcohol, making her draw her head back. Ivy aggressively snatched her wrist from him, standing before him with a sour expression. She assessed the man from up and down, disappointed at what she was seeing. 

"Silas Zhu, what do you think you're doing with your life, huh?" she breathed out, suppressing the building dismay in her heart. "We talked about this last time. You said you're going to fix everything! I thought you were doing better!" 

Ivy combed her head back in distress. She was at her wit's end about this man. When Silas went to live abroad, Ivy kept her contact with him. Dominic, Axel, and Silas were like brothers to her. Therefore, even though she knew it was Silas's fault that Grandma Zhu tossed him abroad after countless warnings, she was worried about him. 

She heard that Grandma Zhu cut off all his allowance, and that Silas had to fend for himself. On top of that, Silas was all alone. That was why Ivy was doing her best to be Silas's support, giving her a large portion of her allowance, and even enrolling in a university abroad so she could look after him. It had been years since then, and Ivy was already a few months before her graduation. 

But Silas would only change for a few weeks and then go back to his bad habits. He would drown himself in alcohol, take illegal drugs on the side, and then gamble up all his money. All her money. 

"Goodness, Silas!" Ivy huffed as she plopped her butt down beside him on the couch. "I'm going to graduate in a few months and then go back home."

Her eyes scanned the trash in front of her, leaving a bitter taste in her mouth. "Are you really going down this path?" she asked and then faced Silas. Her eyes swirled with exhaustion, disappointment, and helplessness.

"I'm really tired, Silas. Very much," she continued under her breath. "I'm tired of cleaning after your mess. I'm tired of helping when you're not helping yourself. You keep breaking your promises and I'm at my wit's end, wondering if you will ever get yourself together."

Ivy wanted to say more; there were many things she left unsaid for all the years she poured just to help Silas. However, at the back of her head, she believed she shouldn't spell out all the sacrifices she had made just to help him. She was just tired and drained. 

Silas pressed his lips together, casting his eyes down. He rested his arms on his legs, ruffling his unruly hair.

"I'm sorry," he said, but those words just turned her stomach. 

Those words were tiring now. Ivy already lost count of how many times she had heard those words from him, and she already couldn't count how many times she forgave him every time he apologized. 

"I… really don't know what's going on with me." Silas buried his face in his palms. "It's just exams are too much and that I'm tired. Drugs keep me going. I already feel ashamed that you're giving me your allowances, but Vee, it's just too much!" 

Her face crumpled, clueless about whether or not she would believe everything he said. She bit her lips, holding herself back from telling him what he heard when she went home for a vacation for two weeks. She met Dominic, after all. And according to Dominic, Lionel, his father, was secretly helping Silas financially.

Silas told her otherwise. 

For years, she knew Silas had no one else but her. Therefore, she couldn't just turn her back on him. She was his family, her brother. 

"Vee, I'm sorry, okay? I promise you." Silas turned his head in Ivy's direction, sporting an apologetic and genuine smile. "I will fix myself. Once I graduate, things will be okay now."

Ivy glanced at the coffee table where the bottles of empty beers and drug residue were in plain sight. "I don't know, Silas." She shook her head. "I really don't know if I still believe you. You said those words more than a hundred times."

"Vee…"

"Silas, do you really see me as that stupid?" Ivy sprung up to her feet, gazing down at Silas in anger. "I'm tired, Silas. I did my best to help you, to be your family, and just to be there for you. I never complained nor did I say anything because I've always told myself no one forced me to help. I decided to help, but you've abused it. And I let you."

A thin layer of tears coated her eyes, flinging her arms as he held her wrist. "From today onward, you're on your own, Silas. Unless I see you helping yourself, then you're on your own."

After saying her piece, Ivy didn't hesitate to walk out on him. She heard him call for her, but she didn't stop, leaving this small apartment, she was paying herself so he could have a roof over his head. But alas, Ivy forgot that this wasn't the first time she walked out on him. Silas would always do something after a few days or a week that would make her come back to him to help. 

It was a cycle she trapped herself with throughout her entire university life, and even after graduating, Ivy was helping him until that one incident that made her hate him to the bottom of her heart. 

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