3169: Innocence 84

Innocence 84

As I stared at them, I froze.1

"X Year, X Month, X Day. Clear Day. To truly love someone is to hope to have all of him. Let go and wish him happiness? But how can there be such selfless love in this world?"

Beneath was an inscription in Dongyu's delicate yet strong handwriting. I once owed you ten thousand apologies, but more than that I owe you an 'I love you'.

My heart almost stopped.

I turned the page. At the end of the page was his handwriting again.

—— Xiachun, are you doing well in America? I tried my best to find out where you are and get your contact details, but even they don't know the phone number of the apartment you're staying in. Perhaps they are just hiding it from me intentionally. I miss you, all the time.

——The deeper the memory, the more the pain it is.

——Pain is like a corner under a clear sky. The brighter the sun, the deeper the shadow.

——It is precisely because the past was too beautiful that the pain is this deep.

…

I turned to the last page.

"Year X, month X, day X. Dongyu, have you ever liked me, even just a little?"

——I love you, so deeply that what else can I do?

…

I slammed the diary shut and stood up. I looked around and seemed to see him in every corner of the room.

I saw him tidying the bookcase for me.

I saw him cleaning my room.

I saw him sitting at the desk, writing in the diary.

I saw him filling my room with all these memories.

——Your favorite Harry Potter. I bought the whole collection. You said you wanted to watch Harry Potter movies more than anything. When the movie started screening, I bought two tickets and a bucket of popcorn, and I imagined watching a movie with you. I saw the little dimples on your cheeks when you smiled happily.

——I fished ten dolls today. In the past, I wasn't skilled enough and couldn't fish the dolls that you wanted. You always laughed at me. When Wanda Department Store opened, I fished ten dolls within one attempt and have placed them on your bed.

——Fanta soda seriously sucks, but because it's your favorite drink, I'm always reminded of you every time I see the bottle.

…

——Greedy little cat, I bought a load of snacks. When are you coming back to eat them all up?

——The snacks are expiring!

—— The snacks expired, I've thrown them away, but I bought more chips, your favorite Pringle chips. Now there are very few places that sell this brand of potato chips. Are you able to get them… in America?

——I had a glass doll that I'd always carefully protected and cared for. But one day, I accidentally broke it. With great sadness, I struggled to piece it back together, but then I lost it.

——I went back to the bus station and looked for you desperately, but I couldn't find you. I lost my doll…

——Xiachun, I miss you…

——If I were to write I miss you ten thousand times, would you be able to hear me?

In a daze, I flipped open the pages at the back of the diary. The originally blank pages were filled with the tiny words 'I miss you'.

They were written neatly, every word and every stroke was meticulously written. I could almost picture his back view as he sat at the desk and wrote all these.

Occasionally, I'd flipped to a page with tear stains that had long dried up.

I slowly traced over the lines of words with my fingers. I wanted to snap the diary shut, but my eyes seemed to be spell-bound and I couldn't look away.

Holding the diary in my hands, tears welled up in my eyes.

In the years since I left home, I rarely shed tears. Although I was alive, my heart seemed dead, and nothing could move it.

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