184: I hate myself

I hate myself

Qin Yan's face was cold. She took out a tissue from her bag and wiped away Qiao Qing's tears bit by bit.1

Sun Qinglian's smug expression froze for a moment. Who is this person? Qin Yan walked closer so the people standing there finally saw her face clearly. Her skin was as smooth as cream and her face was like a peach blossom. All the beautiful descriptions in the world could be used to describe her. She was like the most beautiful flower in the world, so beautiful that it could capture one's soul. Damn.

"Student Sun, right? And the students from acting department," Qin Yan looked at them coldly, the corners of her eyes slightly raised. "Is it fun to mock others? Does it feel good picking on the pain of others?"

Qin Yan's gaze was like an arrow, and her shoulders and neck were straight. She said in an imposing manner, "You used your status to incite others to bully the kind and weak. You thought you were standing on the moral high ground, and you tried your best to stomp on the pain of others to show off your status. I really want to cut open your heart and see if there's black blood flowing inside."

Sun Qinglian was caught by her gaze and subconsciously covered her chest. She did not know why, but she felt her heart throb with pain. It was as though Qin Yan had really used a knife to cut open her heart. This girl's aura was so powerful!

"You!"

This was the first time Sun Qinglian had been so blatantly insulted.

Qiao Qing did not expect these to happen. She thought that she would have to bear the humiliation alone. And then she would have to hide somewhere and tend to her wounds by herself. However, Qin Yan protected her and braved the storm together with her.

No, that was not the right way to put it. Qin Yan blocked out the storm and provided her with a safe space and protected her.

Qiao Qing's heart was filled with warmth and bitterness. The tears that had just been wiped away flowed down again when she looked at Qin Yan's figure. However, this time, the tears weren't tears of sorrow, but warm and touching tears.

Qin Yan held Qiao Qing's hand and then she smiled at the other girls. She asked, "May I know how much did you score in college entrance exam? How are you ranked in the province?"

The girls put their mouth shut. They knew that they couldn't compare to Qiao Qing in terms of grades.

"Why are you guys not speaking now? Are you mute?" Qin Yan asked coldly, her gaze piercing everyone in Sun Qinglian's group.

Qin Yan's gaze made everyone quiver, "You are mocking Qiao Qing for her beauty. Then should I mock you for not having a decent brain?"

"Your beauty will also fade out by time. Then what will you do without beauty and without brain?" Qin Yan laughed and insulted them openly.

Qiao Qing's eyes sparkled as she looked at Qin Yan. It was unknown if it was because of her tears that reflected the light or something else, but her eyes were astonishingly bright. "Yan Yan…"

Sun Qinglian was so angry that her face turned red. She thought she was a straight A student, and this was the first time she was called a dumbass. This uncultured woman! Where did she come from!

But because she didn't have anything to argue about now and with Qin Yan protecting Qiao Qing, she left the place angrily with other students following her.

Qin Yan turned to Qiao Qing, "Qing Qing, are you okay?"

Qiao Qing nodded with tears in her eyes. She felt truly grateful to Qin Yan. This was the first time that Sun Qinglian could not say anything back to her. Otherwise most of the times, she herself would be the one to suffer.

"Yan Yan, can you stay with me for a while?" Qiao Qing put forward her request in front of her best friend hesitantly. She really wanted to pour her heart out in front of Qin Yan. But she was afraid that being a shifting day, Qin Yan would be tired and would refuse her request.

Qin Yan gazed at Qiao Qing and nodded, "Let's sit over that bench," she pointed towards a empty bench present at some distance from them.

Both of them walked towards the bench and then sat down comfortably. Qin Yan did not say anything as she knew that Qiao Qing needed some time to adjust her emotions.

On the other hand, Qiao Qing thought of where to begin her story that she wanted to tell Qin Yan. As she thought of the incidents that happened to her, her nose got sore and her eyes grew tearful.

She patted her left hand by her right hand to comfort herself and to assure herself that everything was fine. Because she had no one to comfort her, she was used to do this by herself.

Qiao Qing took a deep breath and started, "Actually, I have this mark from my birth. When I was born, my mother dropped me from her hands in shock. Obviously I didn't know this, but my mother told me this as a joke," she continued, "You can imagine how would I feel when I heard this. No child would feel good hearing that her face was a shock to her mother."

"As time passed by, my parents tried everything to remove this birthmark from my face. Whenever any relative of ours would come to my house, my parents would insist that I should wear a mask so that they would not comment anything on me."

"But this didn't happen. If I wore a mask, the relatives would make me remove it to see this mark. And when they would say anything about it, my parents would feel bad about it."

"Almost everyone who visited us or whom we visited would have some or other measures to tell us by which this mark would be removed. My mother wanted me to try everything. But I knew that since it is a birthmark, either it would lessen in size as I would grow up or it would stay as it is."

"However, if I refused to do anything that my mother said, she would get extremely angry at me and wouldn't speak to me for days. As I don't like to fight and don't like my family atmosphere to get disturbed, I obeyed my mother incessantly."

A tear fell from Qiao Qing's eye as she sobbed lightly, "If I got a little fat, my mother would nag me continuously to get back to my shape. If my complexion got darker, my mother would make homemade pastes for me to apply on my face. In short, she wanted me to be perfect."

She looked at Qin Yan and asked, "Yan Yan, you tell me..How can a person be perfect? Nobody can be perfect. But because of my parents, I never loved myself. Even if I get a single pimple on my face, I try hard to get it removed."

"This perfectionist nature has been embedded in my bones. I have accepted that I have a mark on my face but I still cannot look up into someone's eye as I know that the moment I look up, my birthmark would be visible."

Qin Yan held Qiao Qing's shoulder as she comforted the latter.

Qiao Qing continued, "One time when I was eight years old, somebody suggested to my parents that they should do a plastic surgery to my face for getting the mark removed. My parents listened to them and took me to the doctor."

"That doctor was fraud. He told my parents that he would remove the scar but they didn't think that I was in a growing stage at that time and plastic surgery is not recommended before you reach a stable situation. The doctor operated on me and covered my whole face with bandages."

"When I was discharged and my bandages were removed, my mark had widened to cover almost half of my face. When my parents tried to find out the doctor, the latter had run away."

Qiao Qing drank a sip of water before continuing, "Even then the experiments on me never stopped. My self confidence shattered further as I grew up to be someone who could never love the imperfect myself. When people said something about me, my parents would justify the situation saying that they are not wrong as people as just stating the facts. Because I have a birthmark on my face, I have to hear every insult coming my way."

Qiao Qing wiped her tears by her hand before looking at Qin Yan with a sad smile, "So, I have become like this. In my heart, I pity myself and if thought by my mind, I hate myself. I hate myself for being cowardly. I hate myself for not being able to practice self-love."

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