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Though Lee’s eighteen, he looks a lot younger than Julian or I and this scares me. Lee’s office looks over Hollywood Boulevard and, as Julian sighs and turns away from Finn, who starts to talk to Lee, I walk to the window and stare at the cars. An ambulance passes by. Then a police siren. Lee looks very preppy, is what Finn says, and then something like, “They like that. That preppy look.” It seems that Lee’s ready and so is Finn and Lee says that he’s a little nervous and Finn laughs and says, “There’s nothing to worry about. You don’t have to do that much. Not with these guys. Just typical studio execs, that’s all.” Finn smiles and straightens Lee’s tie. “And if you have to do anything … well, hey, you make the money, babes.” And Julian says, “Bullshit” a little too loudly and Finn says, “Watch it” and I don’t know what I’m doing here and I look over at Lee, who’s smiling dumbly, and do and don’t see Julian in the same innocent smile.

Julian follows Finn and Lee in Finn’s Rolls-Royce and Julian tells them at a stoplight that he has to drop me off at my car so that I can follow them to Eddie’s place. Julian drops me back at my car at the arcade in Westwood and then I follow the two cars up into the hills.Advertisement

The house I follow Finn and Lee and Julian to is in Bel Air and it’s a huge stone house with a sprawling front lawn and Spanish fountains and gargoyles looming up above the roof. The house is on Bellagio and I wonder what Bellagio means as I pull into the wide, circular driveway and a valet attendant opens the door and as I get out of the car I can see Finn wrapping his arms around Julian and Lee and they walk through the open front door before me. I follow them into the house and there are mostly men inside, but there are some women too and everyone seems to recognize Finn. Some people even recognize Julian. There’s a strobe light on in the living room and for a moment the slight edginess I feel turns into a sort of wild dizziness and my knees almost buckle and it seems that everyone’s talking, eyes constantly searching; beat of the music matching the movements and the stares.

“Hey, Finn, my main man, how’ve you been?”

“Hey, Bobby. Great. How’s business?”

“Fab. And who’s this?”

“This is my best boy. Julian. And this is Lee.”

“Hey,” Bobby says.

“Hi,” Lee says, and smiles, looks down.

“Say hello.” Finn nudges Julian.

“Hello.”

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“Wanna dance?”

Finn nudges Julian again.

“No, not now. Could you excuse me?” Julian breaks away from Finn and Lee and Finn calls after him and I follow Julian through the crowd, but I lose him and so I light a cigarette and wander over to the bathroom, but it’s locked. The Clash are singing “Somebody Got Murdered” and I lean against the wall and break out into a cold sweat and there’s a young guy who I sort of recognize sitting in a chair staring at me from across the room and I stare back, confused, wondering if he knows me, but I realize it’s pointless. That the guy is stoned and doesn’t see me, doesn’t see anything.

The bathroom door opens and a man and a woman come out together, laughing, and they pass me and I go in and shut the door and open a small vial and notice that I don’t have too much coke left, but I do what’s left of it and I take a drink from the faucet and look at myself in the mirror, run my hand over my hair, and then across my cheek, decide I need to shave. Suddenly Julian bursts in, along with Finn. Finn smashes him against the wall and locks the bathroom door.

“What in the hell are you doing?”

“Nothing,” Julian yells. “Nothing. Just leave me alone. I’m going home. Give Clay his money.”

“You’re acting like a real ass**le and I want it stopped. I have some very important clients out there tonight and you are not going to f**k it up.”

“Leave me the f**k alone,” Julian says. “Don’t touch me.”

I lean up against the wall and look down at the floor.

Finn looks at me and then at Julian and sneers. “Jesus, Julian, you are really pathetic, man. What are you gonna do? You don’t have any choice. Do you understand that? You can’t leave. You can’t walk out now. Are you gonna run to Mommy or Daddy, huh?”

“Stop it.”

“Your expensive shrink?”

“Stop it, Finn.”

“Who? Do you have any friends left? What the f**k are you gonna do? Just leave?”

“Stop it,” Julian screams.

“You come to me a year ago with a huge debt to some dealers and I give you a job and show you off and take you around and I give you all these clothes and all the f**kin’ coke you could snort, and what do you do in return?” pqdm.com