867: Why Now?

Why Now?

Meanwhile, Xiang Wai had dragged Zhai Yanjun but now she looked conflicted about where to take him. The problem was solved by the manager who offered to let them use his resting room. Xiang Wai took him there while Zhai Yanjun stayed silent all the way. He didn't even comment on why she was dragging him around.  1

When she entered the room with him, she closed the door and even locked it making Zhai Yanjun's brows quirk up. He suddenly felt uneasy about this arrangement. He didn't think it was a good idea to stay in an enclosed space with Xiang Wai. All alone.

She turned around to see him staring blankly at her and frowned, "What are you waiting for? Take off your shirt."

Zhai Yanjun tilted his head and she realized what she said sounded a bit wrong. 

"What? Are you worried that I'd do something to you?"

"No, I'm worried that you won't do anything to me," he replied with a serious look.

His words made her look dumbfounded for a moment. She cleared her throat and said, "Don't talk nonsense. You're scalded by that hot coffee. Look at the patch on your chest." She was still talking in dissatisfaction as she started unbuttoning his shirt. "Can't you watch where you're going? Can't you avoid a waiter? With your skills, it's a wonder how you survived in the army until now. How did you get promoted to Captain? I should really talk to your commander."

"I also didn't think I'd survive for so long in the army," said Zhai Yanjun softly.

Xiang Wai's hands paused for a moment when she heard it. At least, she knew the real meaning behind those words so she looked up at him sharply, "Do you still want to die?"

"I never wanted to die," he replied. "If I did, I wouldn't be so desperately holding on to this life. And I'm glad, I did. At least, I got to meet my aunt and Fai. I also learned something new about living from all of them. And I also learned how much I don't deserve to have you."

Xiang Wai avoided his eyes as she pulled open his shirt and looked at the redness on his chest. However, the other scars on his body were definitely worse than this scalded skin. How could it be a big deal?

"It's not even a big deal," said Zhai Yanjun as he tried to take a step back but she was still holding on to the lapels of his shirt. "Wai, it doesn't hurt. If this much hurt, I wouldn't be able to survive on the border of those snowcapped mountains. You're really worrying for nothing."

"Who is worried about you?" she retorted subconsciously.

"If you're not worried, why aren't you looking into my eyes?" he asked. "Can you not do it? I feel stifled when you don't look at me." He took a moment and added, "The way your eyes only held that other man felt more uncomfortable than this skin injury."

Xiang Wai looked into his eyes and was momentarily lost for words. She gathered her thoughts before saying, "You... You never talked like this before."

"Right?" he nodded to himself. "I also wonder why I held back. I should have been more honest with you and myself regarding my feelings for you."

"Why are you telling me this now?" her voice raised and it was visible how her emotions were affected by his words. Her mood was so easily fluctuating because of his presence. All because of him.

"I don't know," said Zhai Yanjun honestly. "Maybe I think it's about time to tell you this. Or maybe I don't want to keep hiding my true thoughts anymore. The other day, Fai said when everything looks dark, I should find a guiding light and focus on that light with all my heart. It made me realize, that in my life, you had long been playing the role of the light. The light pulled me out of the shadows that haunted me for far too long."

Xiang Wai lowered her head and continued to look at her feet for some reason. She didn't dare meet his eyes again. Earlier, when she did, she already realized that she was losing control under the spell of his gaze. It was a dangerous play. She couldn't play this losing game. She couldn't extract herself from the spell of his gaze. So, it was better to run from it.

"Did you come here because you heard about my blind date?" she asked him in a low voice. "Did you come to beat my blind date or to snatch me away?"

"Neither," he answered. "I honestly didn't know you're meeting your blind date here."

"And if you knew, would you come?" she asked.

Zhai Yanjun sighed, "I think I'd still come." 

"That's so not something you'd do," she said.

"I know, right? That's not something I'd normally do but I had been thinking about your blind date since I learned about it. It had constantly been on my mind. I won't lie, when I saw you with that man, I wanted to go up to beat him. But karma got to me sooner than I could act and I burned myself as you can see."

"Beating someone for no reason is also not like you," she mumbled.

"They say you lose your rationality in love," he told her. "If you're still rational while being in love, then either there is no love or you're just fooling yourself. For years, I stubbornly wanted to hold on to my rationality but it made me lose my love. So, I don't see anything wrong with acting not like myself."

"You've become talkative," she commented. "That's quite an impressive change in such a short time."

"You've become calmer," he remarked. "And that's also a remarkable change in such a short time."

Xiang Wai took a deep breath and said, "Go to the bathroom and wipe your chest with cold water. Even if it doesn't hurt, you should clean it up. I'll find you a new shirt." 

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