17: LEAVING

LEAVING

Leaving Ace behind was the best solution I could think of right at the moment to lessen the heartache ripping my heart into two. Having him near will only deepen the crippling affliction that tortured me inwardly. His presence will do nothing but torment me.1

I will never forget that he did not simply cheat on me with his secretary but he got her pregnant. That was unforgivable! Never in a million years could I arrive at some point to forgive him.

That bastard! He could not wait for our divorce to finalize before spreading his seeds! And I was so damn stupid to allow him to use me last night.

I'm frozen into a momentary confusion of how I was able to survive the pain he caused me all these years. I swear, I never felt so down before not until this moment where all my hopes for tomorrow faded entirely. 

I was even asking why I'm still alive. It never occurred to me that it would be possible to die multiple times but remain alive—that's happening to me now and that's not good. The feeling is like you're roasted in the burning fires of hell or was frozen into an icy lake but your body refuses to die and you have to suffer every second of torture.

When the cab sped away from the view of the proud and tall Greyson Hotel, a hot stream of tears tumbled freely down my flushed cheeks. My shoulders shook uncontrollably by the intensity of my emotions. My pounding head was filled with swirling thoughts and all I could think of was cry to lessen the weight off my chest.

If it's not to be, it will never be. It was the lesson I learned today that entirely changed my perspective. Ace and I are NEVER meant to be, it's just me, the hopelessly devoted wife insisting that he could love me too only for my plans to make him fall for me fail miserably. At this point, I have no choice but to banish him entirely from my life.

I buried my face deep in my palm. The driver maintained his impassive expression as he eyed me candidly. He said nothing until he pulled the cab into a halt in front of our destination. I pulled my purse out of my backpack and quickly handed him the payment, it was too much for my exact fee but it was my simple act of gesture for the silent sympathy he shed for me.

My legs clamber out of the car with the heavy backpack slinging behind my back. The proof of the heavy rain from yesterday lingered on the ground. The nostalgic scent of the damp earth was all around me and I fought not to close my eyes and revisit the first time I saw Ace standing outside a bar, in the dimly lit corner, and smoking his cigarette with an air of mystery floating around him.

My slippered feet traverse the wet and slippery pavement trying to maintain my balance. When I finally reached the door of the run-down three-story building mud was clinging to my slippers making it difficult for me to walk properly. 

I sighed thankfully upon reaching the decrepit door with my limbs still intact after almost stumbling to the ground. I have no money to pay for hospitalization. The last of my savings were allotted for rental fees and food to help me survive for a couple of weeks.

The door immediately opened after a few knocks exposing a thin woman in her sixties wearing a duster, her grey hair was neatly swept into a chignon on her nape. She smiled at me revealing a gaped teeth.

"Hello!" The woman greeted good-naturedly. "How may I help you." She added, never once taking the amiable smile on her lips.

A timid smile appeared on my lips. "Uhm, I called here a few weeks ago after I saw a room advertisement in the newspaper."

"Oh, it's you!" Her face lit up as if recognizing an old friend and she pulled the door wide open exposing the dimly lit hallway in the background.

The flickering ceiling light creeps me out that I almost made a retrieving step backward but stopped before I could in fear of offending the good-natured old woman.

There's no turning back, This is my last option. The rents are cheap and affordable. This is only temporary until I found a better job. I told myself as I step forward.

The door creaked close behind me.

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