32: COMPLICATED

COMPLICATED

It was too late to brace myself from the blow, the truth erupted like a bomb, it shattered my whole being. Lying on the cold, hard floor was my life—it was broken, and beyond repair.2

I was too numb to even respond that I did nothing but stared at her with empty, hollow eyes, incapable of holding emotions. This was beyond any nightmare's description....this was the definition of hell. Hell which Ace should be suffering... Not me.

"What happened Doc? My initial blood pregnancy test was negative!"

The Doctor flinched, but she said nothing, and calmly watched my sudden outburst. She was prepared that I would retaliate with expected ferocity. 

"There are many cases similar to yours. That is why it's adviced to take a pregnancy test twice."

Frustrations made me want to burst into tears but it just won't flow, my eyes were as stagnant as my emotions. My fingers were so cold... too cold that I could no longer feel it. 

"Please tell me doc, is my critical condition due to my weak heart?"

Doc Tara looked sighed deeply and nodded her head. She pulled herself together before she began. " I know you are aware that you have Dilated cardiomyopathy or also called idiopathic dilated cardiomyopathy."

"Yes, I'm well aware that I have a weak heart with the chambers enlarged. You told me that I was not allowed to have children." I replied rather bitterly. " But I was headstrong and obstinate enough not to listen to advice because I want to have another child."

"Pregnancy is an issue for women with heart problems, Phoenix. Your life will be in peril if you continue with the pregnancy."

"Mom had a weak heart too but she took the risk and gave birth to me. I'm not going to abort my baby. I rather die than resort to abortion just to save my life." I have never been as determined as I did now. I will continue with my pregnancy even if someone will aim a shotgun at my head.

Doc Tara smiled, the glint barely reached her eyes, it was a smile filled with silent sympathy. "In the past, many women with conditions such as cardiomyopathy might have been told it is not safe for them to have babies but based on my personal opinion, you still have a chance to deliver your baby safely by receiving high-quality specialist care. Just have faith, you will overcome all this."

I nodded. Deep within I was grateful that a window of hoped opened. That tiny flickering hope was more than enough for me to have faith for tomorrow. 

I was strong enough to overcome all this.. I told myself as I walked out of Doc Tara's office.

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