321: A mother's lullaby III

A mother's lullaby III

[ WARNING: THE FOLLOWING NARRATIVE CONTAINS DISTURBING, TRIGGERING, AND SENSITIVE CONTENT. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. ]0

"So long…"

An inch gap was left in between the blunt end of the wood and Aries's tummy. Tears pooled behind her eyelids as a soothing lullaby echoed in her head. The wood trembled under her grip until she lost all her strength and dropped it. 

"Ah…" she wept, voice cracking, air suspending. "I can't… do it…" came out a confession in between her gasps. If only she could do it, she wouldn't have asked Joaquin to kill her. The crown prince knew that. He knew her from inside and out. 

Aries might've loathed him and the fact that she was carrying his seed. However, deep in her heart, she was also aware this child… didn't deserve the hatred. This child did nothing wrong and was innocent. She would desperately whisper her hatred to the life growing within her, hoping this entire pregnancy would not push through. 

But in a way, she simply couldn't stomach what life had in store for a bastard such as her child. His mother wouldn't have the means to save him, just like how she failed to save her family, her people, and her land. And his father was nothing but cruel.

One of these days, Joaquin would have a crown princess and have children with her. Aries could only imagine the worst for her child. Aries could take every mockery, abuse, and evil deed. But she couldn't let that happen to her child. It scared her witless. 

"Still… I can't kill you…" she sobbed her heart out, wrapping her arms around her stomach as she hunched in. "I'm so… sorry…"

Her sniffles soon resonated across the chambers, rocking her body, crying, apologizing for everything she had said, and for blaming the innocent life within her. She was sorry for him because his parents were sinners and disgusting human beings. 

She was sorry that this world he would live in was not as beautiful as it should be. That the second he was born, he'll have to live with the title of a bastard. She was sorry that she wouldn't have any means to protect him, aside from using her body to shield him. She was sorry that she let all this happen. 

There were myriads — thousands and thousands of things Aries was sorry for this little life. But either way, she had no choice but to keep it. 

Aries stayed seated in front of the fireplace until the fire in it died down and the sun peeked through the horizon, slipping through the thin gaps of the woods mounted on the windows. Even when she heard a slight knock on the door and footsteps approaching, she was unfazed.

"My lady!" called a young maid who had been serving Aries, then rushed to her side. "My lady!!" 

Aries blinked weakly and set her eyes at the young maid, whose face was filled with freckles. This maid looked at her with worry and panic. Now that she thought about it, this maid was the only person who treated her with kindness. Even though Aries never said a word to her, this young maid would always tell her story while cleaning the room to liven up the mood.

"Fetch me some milk," came out a coarse voice and looked away. "I hadn't had enough nutrients for my poor child."

"My lady…" the young maid teared up before she nodded, assisting Aries with her arms, and sat her down on the armchair to clean her up. 

The young maid worked discreetly, hiding the traces of the scene she came to before wiping the black coal on Aries. After that, she served her some nutritional meals she needed, and unlike the previous month, Aries ate on her own without the crown prince shoving the food down her throat every night he would come. 

Because of this kindhearted young maid, Aries's attempt that night remained between the two of them. Just like that, days and weeks had passed and Aries would sit on that same armchair all day long, humming a tune.

In between her humming, she would usually talk to the bean growing along her tummy about anything she could think of. 

Mostly, Aries would share her stories back when she was in Rikhill, talking about her family — Alaric, Davien, her father  — and what it was like back then. She would sometimes lie about the weather and beautiful 'scenery' she was currently staring at despite looking at the sealed windows. 

Doing this, the hatred in her heart was slowly replaced with love once again. She would constantly apologize to her baby for all that she said and thanked him for accompanying her all this time. She wasn't alone anymore.

This life inside her… although the father was someone she would never forgive, Aries had grown to love him. She was looking forward to the day she would meet him, embrace him, and cherish him with everything she could. Of course, her fear was still there, but the life in her had given her hope and reason to look in a better light. 

Joaquin's absence helped Aries cherish this time alone as he didn't visit her for weeks. Not that she looked for him.

Until one night, the doors creaked open. Aries couldn't sleep, sitting on the bed with her back against the headboard, eyes on the armchair she sat in all day.

"You're awake?" his voice caressed her ears, but she didn't react and kept staring at the chair. Joaquin quirked a brow, sauntering towards the bed while removing his cufflinks. 

"Still giving me cold shoulders, huh?" he chuckled mockingly as he sat down on the edge bed, reclining, eyes on her. "Hey." 

She blinked slowly, setting her eyes on him. He tilted his head to the side, blinking almost innocently, returning her limpid gaze. 

"I heard you've been behaving." He broke the silence with a low and calm voice. "It makes me wonder what were you thinking?"

Aries remained silent for a moment before her lips parted. "A rocking chair."

"A rocking chair?" 

"Mhm." She nodded mildly and gazed at the armchair near the shut window. "I was thinking of a rocking chair."

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