635: The Confusion And Pain

The Confusion And Pain

"My love, you look beautiful."

  Xavier walked to Rose and smiled seeing her wide smile and bright eyes.

Rose giggled at the compliment and looked at Mo Roulan.

"Miss Mo, I really like the dress. I am already excited to see the jewelry now."

Mo Roulan nodded her head and signed one of the colleagues to show her the jewelry. When Rose saw the necklace she was going to wear, she nodded her head in satisfaction.

The evening passed for Mo Roulan like that.

She needed to stay in London for one more week….at least until Rose and Xavier's marriage to ensure that nothing goes wrong that day. However, after she was done with the wedding dress and jewelry, she and her colleagues didn't have anything to do.

Hence, all of them decided to visit London that week. 

Even in that week, Mo Roulan didn't call He Jian much.

She didn't know why but her heart was slightly bitter whenever she thought about what Song Xinyi had said to her.

Even at night when He Jian would call her, she would sometimes talk to him rudely. However, He Jian was always gentle with her.

He will try to coax her thinking that she must be tired because of her work.

And this will only make Mo Roulan feel more upset.

In simple words, Mo Roulan was not understanding what she wanted.

A week later, the day of marriage came finally.

Mo Roulan was there the whole time as the makeup artists helped Rose with the dress and makeup. She was standing in the crowd when Rose walked to Xavier with her bridesmaid.

She saw as Xavier kissed Rose's hand.

His eyes were filled with love when he looked at her. It reminded her of how He Jian looked at her. The smile on Rose's lips made her feel slightly envious because she could never smile that way for the man she loved.

She didn't even realize when her tears started to fall while the people clapped when Xavier kissed Rose's lips after the priest announced that they were now husband and wife.

Mo Roulan ran out of the wedding hall.

She put her hand against the nearby tree where she stopped and covered her face with her other hand. She never understood.

Why she had to face so much confusion and pain in her love?

Her phone started to ring and she took it out of her pocket with trembling hands. When she saw that it was He Jian, she didn't hang up and instead slid the screen to answer the call.

"Lanlan…is the wedding finished? When will you be returning?"

He Jian asked as soon as she picked up the call. She could sense that he was missing her a lot. In her past life, she never expected that he would also miss her like this one day.

In this life, she has everything she ever wanted but her heart and mind were in conflict with each other.

"He Jian…"

She whispered in a breathless voice but He Jian could sense from the other side that something was not alright.

"Lanlan, are you crying? What happened? Did someone bully you?"

He Jian had already texted Chu Feng to arrange the jet. He will leave for London. He needs to be by Lanlan's side.

He Jian didn't want that anything like what happened two years ago to happen again.

On the other hand, Mo Roulan slid down against the tree and sat on the ground. Her back rested against the tree.

Her eyes were still teary as she asked He Jian

"He Jian…do you love me?"

He Jian frowned when he heard the question but replied immediately.

"Yes."

Mo Roulan tilted her head slightly when she heard the answer and asked childishly

"How much…"

Do you love me as much as I loved you in my past life? Do you love me enough to leave behind your family like me…to do stupid things as I did?

He Jian rested his head against the headrest of the chair.

Something told him that the doubts his Lanlan had inside her heart…she was trying to get their answers from him.

He was happy when he thought that because she was finally opening up to him.

"I love you more than myself."

He said gently but there was a firmness in his voice that even Mo Roulan could sense.

"Why…."

Why didn't you love me in the past life but loved me in this life?

But she knew she had to change her question.

"You said that you despised women after knowing about your mother. Then why …why did you fall in love with me?"

He Jian was silent for a few moments.

However, that silence made Mo Roulan's heart sink.

But when he spoke up again, her heart lifted up against her chest and started to pound again.

"It was out of control for me. I didn't even get to know. You remember when Grandpa wanted to adopt you….even the thought of you being my sister was unbearable. I realized that I thought of you in a completely different way than a brother should for his sister. I realized that I loved you."

"More than that…  I felt peace with you…a part of me always felt as if you were something I lost a long time ago…"

A tear fell down from Mo Roulan's eyes when she heard that and she closed her eyes breathing heavily.

Why did she feel as if he was talking about past life?

If only she knew…

Because He Jian was saying these words because of the dream he got in her absence.

In the two years when she was not with him, whenever his body was forced to fall asleep, he would have those horrible dreams…where he would see his Lanlan lying on the floor, covered in blood and her eyes would be filled with pain and regret as she would look at him.1

The remembrance made He Jian feel as if he couldn't breathe properly.

That was the reason he hired people to stay around Mo Roulan. He was afraid that he would see Mo Roulan in such a situation if he was not careful.

If Mo Roulan knew about He Jian's dream then she would have surely been shocked but she didn't…

He Jian didn't want to tell her. He didn't want her to feel scared or worry about such things.

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