19: Internal battle

Internal battle

For the remaining hours in the morning, her mind was in a daze, and she could not concentrate in class, let alone think about lunch. 2

'Does food taste good after killing someone?' One of her companions who did background work asked her once. She was in the middle of a meal and exchanging information with them when that robber broke in. She killed him without a second thought and continued her meal like nothing had happened.

It is the same today, too; despite yesterday's events, she intended to have her meal. She briefly peeked at the contents of that lunchbox that guy gave her earlier. Strangely it contained many foods that she liked. Even if she has odd feelings about what happened, she should take advantage of that meal.

What troubled her right now was the looks she received earlier when Masato shared his textbook with her. Being a composer of a male idol group of six popular guys was never easy. But at the time, she did not think of the consequences of being together with them. She just wanted to write music for them.

Recently, however, she has become more self-conscious and aware. People naturally dislike her, so they would have still talked about her even without this. However, Sumire sighed deeply.

Being called shameless and a slut reminds her of what her ex-boyfriend told her when she first discovered his cheating. She still remained with him for awhile despite knowing he was unloyal. Why? Many people have asked her why, and the reason she gave them was all the same.

'It was because I do not care for him as much as he claims to care for me.'

It was a relationship of convenience, that was all. But, despite laying down the boundaries at the end of the day, it still hurt her.

Sumire rushed down the hallway, but she wasn't looking where she was going and bumped into someone.

But instead of landing on the ground, she found that someone had caught her. They ended up in a close position that she caught a whiff of his scent.

"I'm so sorry." Sumire apologized.

The person she bumped into did not seem mad at all. A chuckle escaped the person's lips."You're as clumsy as ever, I see."

Huh? Sumire glanced over to see the face of the person who had caught her. It was a man with dark blue hair and greyish-colored pupils.

"Daiki-sama!"

This guy is Ichinose Daiki, the center member of Nanairo feather alongside Mikaze-kun.

"Morning Sumire. Though it's the afternoon now. " Daiki said. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," Sumire mumbled, averting her gaze.

'I wouldn't know what to say.'

In the end, she had come to that conclusion because three years had gone by. In those three years, she met so many people; she had so many more encounters.

Her gaze landed on Daiki, and she met this person. The person who changed her perspective about music, the person who brought that light into her dark world. Her thoughts broke when Daiki placed his hand on her forehead.

"You look a bit pale. Are you not eating again?"

Sumire lets out a sheepish laugh. "That's not it. It's just I woke up late this morning."

'I woke up late in a stranger's house. I definitely cannot let anybody find out about what happened last night.' She is not the type of person to fool around, and it was an accident. But the fear of being judged and hated still remains in her head.

'The guys in Nanairo feather like you.' Asahi's words echoed in her head. If that is truly the case, then it would be bad if she mentioned this to anyone. Daiki-sama's feelings aside, the others-

"I see. Now that makes sense too."

"Hey, what was that silent pause for?"

"I just thought about how frequent this happens," Daiki commented.

Sumire sighed deeply; a faint blush appeared on her cheeks. "Geez, whatever."

Since that time, her so-called perfect attendance rate went completely down the hill.

Then again, it didn't matter to her anymore, those times when she fumbled around with a silly love that didn't have any chance of coming true at all. Something like that, there was no need for it anymore.

After all, a person like her cannot love another human sincerely. How could she possibly love another person genuinely when she cannot even love herself?

"You forgot your purse, right? I will come with you."

"Ah yeah," Sumire said awkwardly.

In the end, she walked beside him down the large hallways. It's still awkward; how can he act so normally after saying something bold like that? Though it was a month ago when that happened, even so, it still hadn't left her thoughts.

It was awkward during the middle school graduation ceremony too. But because everyone else had been with her, she didn't concentrate on the issue. However, it's not like she forgot it, yet when she was with the others, it was something that was on the back of her mind.

Now the others are nowhere in sight; they are all in the cafeteria waiting for them. Right now, they're all alone. Should she bring it up? Ah, but if she does, then the tension will come back. She is already sixteen years old, but she has no knowledge when it concerns matters of the heart.

'I like Yuhi.' But how much does she know about love? It would be bad for her to confess to Yuhi without understanding. Wait, she is still thinking of confession to him?

She had already turned him down. It would be shameless of her to come running back. Moreover, he has become a lot more popular recently. It would be bad for her to destroy his hard work.

Whenever she thought back to Terashima Yuhi's confession, her heart would start beating very fast. It was a first for her to receive a confession like that.

It was clumsy and not exactly romantic, considering his injury and half bleeding to death. But she acknowledged it was a confession, so she didn't know how to behave.

It's not like she has never fallen in love before. She must have had a puppy love type of crush as a child because these deep feelings aren't unfamiliar.

Once upon a time, even though it was something fickle. Even though it was easily breakable, she experienced it.

It is something she would at least document in her life experiences. However, romance was the last thing on her mind for the present. To become a famous composer - to be able to carry on writing music for those guys that were her dream now. To become a famous composer, huh?

But if that's the case, she wonders why she is bothering with her debut. Sumire sighed deeply. Whether it is love or her dreams, it seems like she is having an internal battle.

pqdm.com