156: 4.21 Ruined

4.21 Ruined

Heimo had never known that the market at night would be so beautiful. Despite the thick clouds that obscured the moonlight, the market was lit with thousands of sky lanterns, bringing each of their wishes to Heaven. Tantalizing smell of food filled the air, mixing with the hustle bustle of the crowd. The atmosphere came to life by the sounds of children prancing around, the adults nearby gazing at them with a fond expression.  2

For a split second, Heimo was reminded of Uncle and Auntie. They were also like that once, watching over their three children playing around. Back then, Heimo had just entered the family, he was still unfamiliar with the kind strangers who took him in thus the restraint and inhibition in his act. However, his Shijie had brought to him a paper lantern and handed him a brush. "You should write whatever you wish for!" She said with a toothy grin. 

And what did Heimo write again? Ah, he didn't. He thought that he was already satisfied, that he shouldn't ask for anything else lest Heaven would punish him for being greedy. So he shook his head and nudged the brush back to Luqiu Hong, saying. "Jiejie, you write."

Luqiu Hong smiled wider. "Then I will write on your behalf!" With a small frown on her little forehead, she pursed her lips and mumbled, hands moving slowly to scrawl on the paper. "I wish that Fuqin, Muqin, Ningning, Honghong and Lan will be together forever!"

"Do you wish to light the lantern?"

The memory dissipated into thin air as Heimo turned to Jingxue-Jun, finding the man's eyes transfixed on him intensely. The glow of lanterns reflected on his silver eyes, a fiery ivory that burned Heimo inside out. They shone so bright with fondness, indulgence and love — how could that be? Jingxue-Jun, looking at him like he was the one and only treasure in the entire world? Heimo must have been imagining it. He ducked his head, embarrassed that he was caught staring at the lantern with a longing gaze like a child. "No, this humble one is just—"

Without waiting for him to finish speaking, Jingxue-Jun went to purchase the biggest lantern from the stall. The seller offered him a big grin as he accepted the money. "Thank you for your patronage!" 

"No, wait—" Heimo tried to snatch the money back but it was too late. The seller's hands were swift as he tucked it inside his robes and turned to hand the paper lantern to Lu Yizhou, complete with the brush. "I hope you have a beautiful night with your partner." He glanced at Heimo with a teasing look.

Heimo wanted to slap the grin off the man's face. "We are not—"

"Thank you." Jingxue-Jun took the paper lantern before wordlessly offering it to Heimo.

Heimo could do nothing but smile helplessly. "Jingxue-Jun, this humble one doesn't need—"

"I need."

"So…?" He directed a questioning look. Why are you giving me the lantern then?

"I have no idea how to do it."

Heimo blinked, then blinked again. Then he promptly burst out into a fit of giggles, hand flying to his mouth in an attempt to cover the laugh. Yet one glance at Jingxue-Jun's exasperated look dismantled him completely and Heimo threw his head back to laugh out loud, bright and sonorous, throwing all caution to the wind. Tears formed on the corner of his eyes. "No, my apologies, this humble one doesn't mean to laugh at you…" 

How could this man be so adorable? He imagined little Jingxue-Jun who diligently cultivated, wearing a serious look like an adult and sparing no time to play or have fun like children his age. Was he saddened? Had he complained that he wanted to play? Had he cried?

His laughter subsided but the smile clung to the corner of his lips firmly. He stared up into Jingxue-Jun's eyes with tenderness that he himself didn't even realize. "Allow this humble one to teach you then." Heimo was feeling drunk of happiness tonight. It might be why he had the courage to hold Jingxue-Jun's wrist and dragged him to a more secluded area where they could be freed from others' gazes. Even though they were already wearing glamour to hide their real appearance, two men lighting a lantern up together was still heavily frowned upon. Heimo didn't wish for Jingxue-Jun to receive that kind of treatment.  "Here," He pointed at the lantern. "You need to write your wish before you light the lantern up."

Lu Yizhou paused and asked instead. "What do you wish for?"

"Me?" He wanted too much. He wanted Ningning to recover and grow up healthy, he wanted those who had hurt Uncle and Auntie to suffer a fate worse than death, he wanted to lighten Luqiu Hong's burden, and more than anything, he wanted to be able to love fearlessly. But in the end, he merely shrugged. "This humble one doesn't have any particular wish."

The man hummed and put down the brush.

Heimo raised a brow. "You're not going to write anything?"

"No." He said softly. "I'm leaving it blank for you." 

Heimo's heart skipped a beat and it didn't stop, didn't slow down as Jingxue-Jun lit the lantern and let it float, his silver eyes following the movement up to the sky. Heimo's heart was in his throat and for the nth time since he met the man, he couldn't look away. He clenched his fists and desperation gnawed on his chest. Just this one night. Just this one night and he would leave. They would return to being Jingxue-Jun of Lingyan and Black Demon Weeping Blood. They would be enemies, like how they ought to be.

So just this one time…

Giving Jingxue-Jun no time to react, Heimo leaned forward to kiss his cheek. Startled, the man's eyes snapped to him. Above them, the trail of fireworks whistled up to the sky before it exploded into thousands of glitter that illuminated the night. The rainbow flare danced around Jingxue-Jun's dilating pupils, highlighting the turbulent emotions within. The sound around them was loud, yet everything was muted as if there was a barrier that separated them from the whole world. 

"Lan'er…" The man rasped, his eyes darkening.

Heimo's eyes dropped to the lips that had just moved and he swallowed dryly. He felt lightheaded with want. Desire pooled low on the pit of his stomach and he got the sudden urge to cry. He wanted — He wanted this man. Wanted him so much to the point where he couldn't recognize himself anymore. This was wrong, a tiny voice in his mind rang but he reasoned, just this one night. He should be allowed to do whatever he wanted just for tonight. His breath came out quick and shallow and his palms were clammy with sweat. "Jingxue-Jun." He murmured and slowly leaned forward, lashes fluttering.

The world faded away and what was left was the sensation of Jingxue-Jun's arm snaking around his waist, bringing him closer. The man's other hand closed around the back of his nape. Heimo shuddered. He had never been this close to anyone before.. So close that they practically breathed each other's air. Heimo's eyes watered at how right this felt. To be in Jingxue-Jun's embrace, to lean his weight wholly to the other man, to be so intimate that nothing could separate them anymore…

"Lan'er." He sighed, the touch of his words lingered on Heimo's lips. "Tell me you want this."

*I—" Heimo's throat closed up. He had wanted this for so long, even before he knew he did. Jingxue-Jun must have seen something in his eyes and Heimo's name fell from his lips once more before he finally closed the distance between them. 

Heimo's eyes fluttered shut as a light, chaste touch of Jingxue-Jun's lips landed on his. Heimo had imagined this happening countless times yet nothing could compare to the real softness and warmth of Jingxue-Jun's lips, pressing ever so softly, so gentle that it sent numbness up his scalp. Oh goodness, it was happening. He was really kissing Jingxue-Jun and Jingxue-Jun was kissing him back. When Jingxue-Jun parted his lips and pressed on harder, Heimo gave an involuntary gasp, his hands tightening on the man's lapels. Jingxue-Jun's broad palm cradled his jaw and angled his head slightly and oh… their lips were moving against each other now. Slow. Gentle. Perfect. 

Heimo was clumsy but he made it up with passion and eagerness. On the other hand, Jingxue-Jun was like an anchor, slowly righting his place, guiding him to move, to lick, to nip, to suck. Before Heimo realized it, his back was already pressed against a tree trunk with Jingxue-Jun's arms as the cushion and they were kissing with their entire body. It was messy, hasty with more teeth than lips. Heimo's head was delightfully blank, drowning in the sole sensation of Jingxue-Jun so close to him. His lips, his hands, his body. He was everywhere and Heimo's heart was so full that it was going to explode. His knees wobbled, trembling and he would have slid down if not for Jingxue-Jun inserting one leg in between his thighs to hold him steady. 

One of Jingxue-Jun's palms settled low on his waist, its warmth searing past Heimo's clothing and branding into his skin while the other cupped the back of his head. And then, Jingxue-Jun suddenly tugged on his hair, hard and Heimo gasped sharply, their kiss breaking apart as he bared his neck for the other to sink his teeth in. He was like a sacrificial lamb on a silver platter, an offering for the man to devour…

He wouldn't be able to go back now. He wouldn't be able to return to the day when he hadn't known how it felt to kiss Jingxue-Jun, the feeling of his warm body pressed against him, the way he stole air from Heimo's mouth as if he couldn't have enough, the way he trailed kisses down the column of Heimo's throat, the little groan he made as Heimo grinded his hips forward in instinct... He was certain that he would carry this memory to his grave, not before visiting it again and again every single day while he was still breathing. 

Ruined. He was totally ruined.

A low moan escaped Heimo's throat as Jingxue-Jun's palms glided to the back of his thighs and lifted them up in one sharp movement. The sudden weightlessness caught him by surprise and he cried into Jingxue-Jun's mouth, hands scrambling to grab onto anything for purchase before they clung tightly around Jingxue-Jun's neck, legs circling around the man's torso. He was fully hanging on Jingxue-Jun's body now. Oh God, Heimo panted. It felt so good. He had no idea that clinging to someone could be this hot and natural. But it still wasn't enough… it wasn't enough at all—

The sharp sound of the broken twig was enough for Jingxue-Jun to tear himself away. Heimo let out a broken whine — he would be so mortified if he could hear how needy he was — but Jingxue-Jun put a finger on his lips, silencing him. Confusion clouded Heimo's mind and the only thought left in his mind was to drag Jingxue-Jun into another mind-blowing kiss. Just then, the sound of conversation afar drifted to his ears.

"... Are you sure?"

"... Jingxue-Jun in a glamour…"

"Yes, I couldn't have mistaken it…"

Heimo gasped and pushed the man away, palm covering his tingling, hot and undoubtedly swollen lips. Jingxue-Jun slowly put him down and Heimo unabashedly held onto the tree to support his trembling legs. He wasn't sure how he looked right now but certainly, it was no less than debauched. His hair had turned into a mess from Jingxue-Jun's tugging and his collar was askew. On the other hand, Jingxue-Jun looked the way he was, pristine and neat, save for the slightly ragged breathing, glistening lips and blown pupils. It was unfair.

Then, he suddenly turned to cover Heimo behind his back.

Heimo was, in fact, only shorter than the man by half a head. He could very well see through Jingxue-Jun's shoulders but there was just a sense of satisfaction blooming within him at the man's protective gesture. Heimo let himself lean against the tree trunk — half of the reason was that his knees were still weak from the kiss — so that his frame was short enough to be engulfed behind Jingxue-Jun's broad back.

"Jingxue-Jun!" The sound rang closer. A man and a woman. "See, I am right!"

"Greetings, Jingxue-Jun." The man cupped his fists, his eyes impossibly shining. He was tall, with a sunny disposition and charming aura. His eyes were fixed on Jingxue-Jun as he spoke, the others completely forgotten. "I have no idea that Jingxue-Jun will visit the market! Ling-shimei has heard about your achievements in exterminating the purple tiger and thought that she would be able to find you if she came here."

"Uh-uh." The woman pouted. She was wearing Linyan's color, blue and green, but her robes clearly looked like they were tailormade. It was exquisite like the jade accessories on her hair. "I have been waiting for you for so long! Why aren't you coming back?"

Heimo wished that he didn't know her but he did. 

Ling Chuwei. The beloved daughter of Sect Leader Ling, as well as the woman who was said to be Jingxue-Jun's betrothed. 

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