171: 4.36 Will You Trust Me?

4.36 Will You Trust Me?

Heimo hadn't planned for all of this to happen.  0

As early as six months ago, he had caught wind of the news that Jingxue-Jun had vowed to kill him and that's why he had been leaving false tracks everywhere he went to fool the man even though he wasn't sure whether that level of trickery would work on Jingxue-Jun. He had been anxious at first, fretting as he imagined their impending reunion. 

What should he do if Jingxue-Jun realized Lan'er was the Black Demon Weeping Blood? Would the man think that Heimo had been playing around with him all these while? How would he react then? Would he look at Heimo with eyes filled with contempt and disdain? Heimo should have hated him, for fuck's sake. That man's shifu was the one who had ruined Heimo's life, who had destroyed Heimo's family, who had landed him in such a perilous situation. Except he couldn't even bring himself to. Since their first encounter, Jingxue-Jun had been nothing but kind and thoughtful. Heimo tried to hate him, to push him away again and again but everytime, Jingxue-Jun would always appear and shatter his armor as easily as breathing. 

In his mind, Shijie's voice berated. "Don't you know who he is, Luqiu Lan?! He's not the kind of man you should associate yourself with!" Luqiu Hong's body had trembled out of rage and hatred and Heimo had no doubt that if Jingxue-Jun were to stand in front of her right now, he would definitely be hacked to pieces.

Heimo badly wanted to deny it, that Jingxue-Jun wasn't the kind of man she thought he was, that he wasn't the same as his shifu. But then, the words always died down before Heimo could voice it out loud. What was he doing, defending the man who was related closely to that bastard? Wouldn't this just be betrayal to his whole family? What if Shijie were to know his feelings for Jingxue-Jun? Oh God, Heimo thought with guilt, what had he done? Not only did he not succeed in avenging Uncle and Auntie's death, he even had the audacity to fall in love with that person he wasn't supposed to love the most. 

The more Heimo thought about it, the more draining it was. Heimo had no idea what he should do, thus he could only resort to the easiest way, and that was to shelve all of his feelings to the deepest recess of his heart and focus on the matter in hand. There were tons of more important things Heimo had to solve rather than brooding about his sappy feelings toward Jingxue-Jun; he had to save Ningning's life, help Shijie rebuild their sect and make peace with the grief. Not only that, he also had to protect the rest of his family and ensured that the same tragedy wouldn't happen ever again. Once he decided on it, Heimo started moving in haste. The journey which should have taken more than a year had shrunk to six months. 

Yuling City had been Heimo's last destination. After he had gotten the dragon's elixir in his hands, he would go back to cure Ningning. If, by chance, he still retained his life after dealing with the demon… maybe, maybe Heimo would allow himself a little respite to do the thing he wanted the most. Heimo wanted to give a proper introduction — he owed Jingxue-Jun that — not as Lan'er but Luqiu Lan, the Black Demon Weeping Blood. Even if Jingxue-Jun were to put his sword under Heimo's throat, even if they would really become mortal enemies after that, he would be willing as long as he could die seeing his beloved's face for the last time.

Heimo had maped the next course of action with deliberate caution yet nothing could prepare him for their impromptu encounter in Yuling, right outside the brothel at that! The plans Heimo had meticulously arranged went haywire from thereon. He got jealous all on his own and fought with Jingxue-Jun. Every single thing was spiraling out of his control. Heimo would have divulged his identity if he had stayed there even a second longer, especially when Jingxue-Jun enveloped him in such a warm embrace, kissing him with such fervor as if he wanted to hide Heimo from the whole world. That's why he ran away, like the coward he was, with tail between his legs.

He had prayed, prayed so desperately that the subsequent event would go smoothly. 

Alas, Heimo should have known better than making such a futile attempt. Gods never sided with sinners and Heimo was fated to doom sooner or later. When he saw Jingxue-Jun inside the dragon's cave, Heimo truly felt as if the ground had opened up beneath his feet. His ears were ringing and nausea coiled in his stomach. Jingxue-Jun saw… he saw Heimo using demonic energy. He knew Heimo was a demonic cultivator. He had acted nonchalant and defensive to mask his panic, but in fact, he almost crumbled to pieces under Jingxue-Jun's gentle and sincere gaze.

"Come to me," he had said. "I will help you."

Help? Was this man insane? Hadn't he known who Heimo was? Ah right, he didn't. A sliver of relief found its way to his cracked armor when he realized that Jingxue-Jun hadn't known his real identity yet. He could still do this. Heimo still had the chance not to mess everything up.

He had just been hopeful for a second when the pair — Lingyan's heiress as well as the man who stared at Jingxue-Jun as if he hung the moon, Heimo noticed with distaste — exposed him just like that. Heimo couldn't breathe. He didn't dare to look into Jingxue-Jun's eyes, to see how his expression morphed into when he realized the truth. For fuck's sake, he couldn't do this. Heimo clenched his fists to hide the tremble. 

He laughed. Everything was over. Jingxue-Jun knew. There was nothing Heimo needed to hide anymore. As much as he dreaded this moment arriving, he also felt immense relief as if a huge burden had been lifted off his shoulders. He was finally liberated. He should finish everything sooner so that he could face Jingxue-Jun properly.

Afterall, the man had vowed to kill him, right?

But why… "Why did you jump after me?! Why did you save me?! Why?!" Heimo gripped onto Jingxue-Jun's shoulders so tight that his nails must have drawn blood. Around them, the ground was shaking wildly. Rocks were falling from the top and what little light that shone into the narrow space they were in was cut off by a huge boulder that slammed right down the entrance. Heimo's sight plummeted into utter darkness and he flicked his fingers impatiently to create a few fireballs. Due to his cultivation method, the spiritual energy he conjured lit up in an eerie crimson glow. 

His mind was still reveling on the previous event. What was Jingxue-Jun doing, jumping after him just like that?! Why did he save Heimo instead of killing him?! Heimo couldn't understand what the other was thinking. He was going crazy from all the whys in his head and it might be why he didn't realize that Jingxue-Jun had lost consciousness. The man's arms were still holding onto Heimo tightly, as if he would never let go even in the face of death. Heimo tried not to think too much about it. Seconds passed and he didn't receive Jingxue-Jun's answer, Heimo started to realize that something was wrong.

"...Jingxue-Jun?"

Other than the pungent smell of lava and dragon's breath, he could faintly smell the coldness of Jingxue-Jun's natural scent, comforting even in such a precarious situation. But that's not the one that alarmed Heimo, it was the distinct smell of blood, ever so familiar and… the repulsive scent of burnt flesh. He gasped and squirmed as hard as he could out of Jingxue-Jun's arms. The movement seemed to have roused the man because Jingxue-Jun gave a groan and loosened his hold. The impact caused Heimo to roll away. "Damn it, Lu Yizhou, are you injured?!"

The man lifted his face. He was pale, ghastly pale, or maybe that was just the effect of the crimson fireball. His eyes found Heimo's directly and to Heimo's dismay, just like thousands of times before when their eyes met, his heart gave a flip and soared into life. "Lan'er…"

Heimo scooted backward, distancing himself until there was at least five meters between them — the furthest he could get in this cramped space. His heart hammered in his chest. Who said that he was the one who put a spell on Jingxue-Jun? Heimo was the one who had to be cautious everytime he was in the man's presence lest he got carried away and forgot himself! But everything was different now. He wouldn't — couldn't return to how he acted before. Everything was over, he told himself. "Are you injured?" He asked, his voice sounding strange even in his own ears. Strained, flat, as he desperately shoved the sentiments and desires in the deepest box of his heart before locking it away.

"I am okay." The man straightened himself up and Heimo was relieved to find that his movement was fluid and smooth. It looked like he wasn't heavily injured then. Lu Yizhou sighed and rolled his shoulders with a quiet hiss. "Just a little burn here and there. How about you?"

Heimo couldn't help but scoff. What was this man doing, worrying about Heimo instead of himself? "You should listen to yourself talk." His tone was dripping with sarcasm. He hated this. This wasn't how he had imagined he would talk to the man. But everything was pretty much ruined anyway ever since Jingxue-Jun entered his life. He was already falling and the only thing waiting behind him was the abyss. "You're protecting me, the Black Demon Weeping Blood, with your own body. Don't you think the world will laugh at you if they know it? What about your junior disciples out there?"

Jingxue-Jun's jaws tightened and fury flashed through his eyes. Even inside the dim space, his eyes burned all the same, sharp and striking silver. Heimo couldn't bring himself to look any longer with the tears forming on the corner of his eyes. He gave a mockery laugh. "Jingxue-Jun had better hurry up then if he wants to kill this one and get out of this place alive."

"Lan'er." Jingxue-Jun shut his eyes with a pained look on his face.

Goodness… Heimo had never realized how painful it was to hear his name spoken in such a soft, desperate tone until this day and he thought his heart would bleed dry from the sheer agony. He clenched his jaws so tight he could taste blood so as to not let the sobs loose. Fortunately, it was dark. Fortunately, no one noticed him crying. Why hadn't Jingxue-Jun moved? Why hadn't he killed Heimo right here, once and for all? 

"I don't have any plan to kill you, Lan'er." The man said as if knowing the direction of his thoughts. Heimo's head snapped to him, disbelieving. "Will you trust me if I tell you that?"

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