172: 4.37 His Bane And Boon

4.37 His Bane And Boon

Heimo's breath came out in stutters. "W—What did you mean by that? You? You don't have any plan to kill me?" How could that be possible? From the start, they were fated to be enemies. That man was Jingxue-Jun, the most righteous of all and Heimo… he was the crooked cultivator the man had to eradicate. And now he told Heimo that he didn't have any plan to kill him? Wait— "How…" Heimo grinded his teeth to keep his voice from shaking. "How long have you known? You are immune to my concoction, you—" he swallowed, kicking the thought that sprung out unbidden that Jingxue-Jun must have heard his heartfelt confession. It wasn't the right time. There was no right time at all. "You knew where I had gone all these while, didn't you? You know everything."1

It was a statement yet he still looked at Jingxue-Jun with a pleading gaze, begging whatever deity there was to save him this tiny bit of dignity, begging Jingxue-Jun to deny the claim. There was no way he knew Heimo's identity and still acted so kind, still treated him with unbound gentleness, still embraced and kissed him with fervent passion. There was no way, there was no way—

"Lan'er…" Lu Yizhou let out a harsh sigh and just like that, Heimo broke apart.

A blank laugh escaped his lips. "From the start, you have always known I am the Black Demon. From the time when we first met, when you treated my injuries, you have always known."

"I'm sorry, Lan'er. I don't mean to—"

"You do." Heimo had no idea what kind of face he was wearing right now to make Jingxue-Jun look at him with such a stricken look. His mind was ringing and bile rose to his throat. His torturous mind decided to replay scene by scene for each of their encounter, starting from the very first one. He had injured himself and spent a night with Jingxue-Jun in a cave, woken up in the man's embrace; he had invited Jingxue-Jun to the bamboo hut and offered him the drugged tea, carried him to bed, gushing about his beauty. Had Jingxue-Jun been awake back then? What was he thinking when Heimo was shamelessly touching his face all over? Had he been disgusted?

He hadn't done it only once. Twice, he had offered the tea once again. And the man readily drank it all. When he was laying in Heimo's embrace, when he was listening to his heartfelt and heartbreaking confession, what was he thinking about? All these times, when he saw Heimo acting coy, weak and delicate in front of him, what was he thinking about? Oh how ridiculous he was, how oblivious and naïve. All these while, he had been tortured by guilt and longing but the man— Heimo's hands flew to his mouth and he scrambled to the side to gag. 

He felt sick. Angry, furious… and on top of everything, he was so, so sad. 

If he knew, why didn't he say anything? Why did he play along with Heimo? Did Jingxue-Jun pity him? Or was he amused seeing the way Heimo acted in front of him? More importantly, despite everything he had done, why hadn't Jingxue-Jun killed him yet?!

"Lan'er!" Lu Yizhou flew to his side in a blink of an eye and took hold of his wrist. "Wait a moment, let me—" 

The box that was kept in a tight lid inside Heimo exploded, bursting out uncontrollably. The demonic energy within him surged and the force sent Lu Yizhou crashing to the opposite side of the wall. Heimo's entire body was trembling and his teeth were chattering. He knew that he should stop this; he shouldn't let the demonic energy feed on his emotions, his rage, despair and helplessness. He shouldn't let the resentful energy seep deeper and deeper into his flesh and bones but he couldn't stop it. The energy in his body was rampaging and every breath he took hurt like he was stabbed with a thousand swords over and over again. He tried to inhale, yet the air got stuck in his throat, unable to move elsewhere. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't breathe—

A cool, deep blue spiritual energy pierced through the fog of his mind and he looked up blankly to see Jingxue-Jun in front of him, hugging him tightly. When did the man get here? Why was he sending his own spiritual energy inside Heimo's body…? 

Before Heimo could think it through, an unimaginable thing happened. Inside Heimo's rampaging body, Jingxue-Jun's spiritual energy coiled with his own, entangling with each other in an intimate dance as they worked as one to push the blocked foul qi out of Heimo's chest. He jerked and hurled out black blood, gasping. All of a sudden, he could breathe again and he took in large, greedy breaths, coughing all the while. His mind slowly discerned what he was seeing. Jingxue-Jun, with two fingers pressing on his wrist as he guided his spiritual energy inside Heimo's body. Jingxue-Jun, who kept on whispering "It's okay, it's okay. You will be fine." Jingxue-Jun, who had blood trickling down his jaw, unstoppably.

Heimo gave an instinctive struggle yet the man's hold remained firm. "Don't move," he hissed, more blood pouring out of his mouth.

"Lu Yizhou…" Heimo felt light-headed. His body was weak and aching all over by the emotional outburst. "Why? Why did you do that?" Tears slipped out from the corner of his eyes as he leaned his head against the man's shoulders, his eyes drawing blank. "If you know who I am, why haven't you killed me from the start? I hated you… I should hate you. I tried, but I couldn't—"

"Don't talk." Lu Yizhou ordered grimly.

"Do you know my family? About Uncle, Auntie, Shijie and Ningning? We were still living a happy and peaceful life three years ago." Heimo's eyes glazed over and it was getting harder and harder to keep his mind awake. With the dense demonic energy inside and around him, it was so easy to dive back into those nightmares. The tragedy he remembered vividly into his skin and bones. "One day, Auntie was missing all of a sudden. She was just going to the market as usual, but the day had gone dark and she still hadn't arrived home yet. Uncle had always been a worrywart. She told me, Ningning and Shijie to have dinner by ourselves then he went out to search for mother. They never came back." Heimo shut his eyes, more tears came out, wetting his cheeks. "We waited for days, yet no news came. We were sick with worry and in the end, when Shijie decided to go out and look—"

Lu Yizhou tensed.

Heimo let out a laugh that was awfully similar to a sob. "Uncle Liu arrived with fury, saying that Lingyan had successfully carried out execution to two demonic cultivators that threatened the safety of people. Lies, it was all lies. Auntie was the kindest and strongest woman I have ever known, even with her fragile health. Uncle… He couldn't even bear to kill the rabbits we had caught in the forest. How could they be dangerous? Was it because they practiced demonic cultivation? But they didn't have any choice. Auntie's body… and Uncle, he did it to keep Auntie safe. Were they bad because they were trying to survive?"

"Lan'er…" Lu Yizhou's voice was thick and gravelly as he hugged Heimo tighter, wishing to hide him away from the world that had hurt him. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry…"

When Heimo opened his eyes again, they were red, bloodshot and his pupils dilated in crimson. So red as if blood would trickle down if he blinked. He spoke in an eerily calm tone. "Do you understand how it feels to have your family brutally massacred for the crimes they didn't even do? Do you?"

"I do... I understand, Lan'er." Lu Yizhou looked at him with such sorrowful eyes that Heimo was stunned for a split second. His tone was so sincere, with a hint of tremble to speak of the suppressed pain, as if he had personally gone through whatever Heimo had.

Heimo almost believed him, that was, before he realized with a jerk who he was talking to. He burst out into a fit of cackles and pushed Lu Yizhou away, his face twisted into a strange smile. "You know, I hate it the most when people take pity on me. I don't need anyone's pity, especially not from you, Lu Yizhou." Anguish and misery bubbled forth Heimo's chest, giving birth to an extreme amount of rage. He hissed. "Don't speak as if you understand me. You, who have the Heaven's blessing since birth. You, who is the winner of life. You, who have everything a man can ever desire. Hell, Lu Yizhou, I suppose you haven't even gone through the slightest bit of hardship in your life. So don't talk as if you know everything!"

The man flinched as if Heimo's words had slapped him right on his face and he got a manic sense of satisfaction from it. Heimo wanted to hurt him, wanted to make him bleed, wanted to erase whatever pity Lu Yizhou had for him. He didn't need pity. He was proud of who he was and he never regretted everything he did, until Lu Yizhou came along. The man who was both Heimo's bane and boon. 

"Lan'er, I don't pity you." Lu Yizhou stressed with a helpless look. "I never have."

"Liar." Heimo snarled. "Don't think I have no idea what you're trying to do here. You will never be able to stop me no matter what. And to tell you the truth, Lu Yizhou, you aren't any better than me. No, you're even worse!" Heimo grinned. In this time and space, Lan'er had ceased to exist. What was left was only Black Demon Weeping Blood who delivered massacre whenever he went. "Thousands of lives are lost in your hands. Can't you feel those  resentful souls around you? They are condemning you, just waiting for the right opportunity to drag you down to Hell with them!"

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