281: 6.41 Why Me?

6.41 Why Me?

Just as Izher had predicted, less than two days later almost everyone in the country had known that the disease originated from the God of Plague. The least the barbarians could do after the incident with Ernoul was to spread awareness of it. However, they firmly kept the secret of Ernoul's death as well as his involvement with the aforementioned disease in a tight lid, fearing that the country would sever their deal and reduce them into a bunch of starving and desperate men again.  0

The Chief Tribe's position ended up landing on Elder Alain, who received unanimous votes from everyone for his great contributions to aid with the peace treaty. 

Ashamed of Ernoul's malicious act, everyone had vowed to bring the secret to their graves and never again spoke of his name. 

Everyone, except one.

"I—I am so sorry…" Maia hiccupped, tears streaming down her cheeks uncontrollably. She was sitting in Jillian's drawing room, a few days after he received a letter saying that there was something important she had to talk about. Jillian had more or less expected it coming — the discussion, he meant. Not the tears. He paused with the tea cup on his lips and his eyes veered toward Bassil who was standing on the corner of the room, silently demanding him to do something.

In front of him, Maia was still crying. Hadn't stopped since Jillian sat down in front of her. Seriously, how could someone have so much water inside them? "I know there's nothing I can do to salvage the situation but… but I can't just sit still. Everyone told me to bring the secret to my grave but how can I when…" She inhaled deeply with a choked sob. "...when it was my own father who caused this whole mess! You have helped us a great deal yet this is how we repay you. I am so ashamed… and I am even more ashamed by the fact that I can still be here to ask for your forgiveness. I am even forcing you to listen to my rant… " She cried even harder and Jillian silently offered her a handkerchief which she snatched to blow her runny nose. Yikes. "I—I only want someone to talk to otherwise I will go crazy. Someone has to know the truth…"

Jillian didn't expose the fact that he had known everything since early on, courtesy to the fact that the exact God of Plague everyone feared was currently residing in his manor, inside his room, sitting beside his beloved Regius and doing God-knows-what when he himself was stuck here to listen to this woman's blabber. Life was really unfair.

"Thank you for telling the truth, Miss Maia. I appreciate it very much." Jillian said after the woman's cries had receded into occasional sobs. "But… why me?"

"Why?" She blew her nose again. Jillian took note to ask Bassil to burn the handkerchief as soon as she left the manor. "I can't possibly go to Hayden because I don't want him to hate me for it…" Her lips twisted bitterly before she glanced at him with a hopeful look. "Most importantly, you're my friend, aren't you? That's what a friend was supposed to do!"

Their conversation was interrupted briefly by Bassil who returned with a tray of sweets and floral tea. Maia's expression brightened considerably as soon as Jillian gestured for her to go ahead. "See," she said whilst munching. "This is why I came to you! Somehow, being with you always calms me down. You know… you just have that kind of steady aura that makes people feel like everything will be okay…" 

Jillian was stunned by the sudden shine of sincerity he saw from Maia's eyes. As much as he didn't like this woman, he guessed he could consider them… friends. He cleared his throat. "Thank you for the compliment, Miss Maia."

"So…" Maia asked tentatively. "Is there something I can help with? Anything! I am feeling so guilty to have got you into this mess. Please consider it as my act of sincerity to make up for my father's mistakes!" She bowed her head deeply. 

Jillian sighed. "I accept your sentiments but I'm sorry… at this stage, there's nothing you can do."

Somehow, the sentence resonated deeply with him. There was nothing he could do. 

It wasn't only a mess of infectious disease they were facing but also another war, was what he couldn't say. This time, it's a battle against another God who might be powerful enough to wipe everyone out. For the past few days, Regius, Cyrus, Luan and — as much as it pained it to admit — Izher had been racking their brains to seek a solution to let everyone avoid the tragedy. 

Everyone had their own distinctive strength, and they were an irreplaceable force in the greater scheme of things. Everyone… except him. He was but a human. He might be one of the strongest among his kind but if the enemy they were facing was a God, Jillian was utterly useless. Never had he felt this kind of helplessness ever since he was a tender age of three and learned to swing a wooden sword for the first time only to fall again and again. 

Jillian didn't tell anyone that he had been brewing this kind of useless thought for days. He knew if he went to Regius and poured all of his insecurities, Regius would definitely make him feel better, sweetly convincing him that he was needed, that he wasn't useless at all. Make him forget all of his anxiety.

But Jillian didn't want that. He knew his own shortcomings and nothing could change his mind out of it. That's why he ran away like a coward. Despite his unwillingness to leave Regius alone with Izher, he was even more reluctant to let Regius notice anything amiss about him.

Was there really nothing he could do…?

"But is there really nothing I can do?" Jillian startled out of his reverie when Maia spoke what was in his mind. The woman was fiddling with her skirt fretfully, anxious and desperate to make the situation better. All of a sudden, Jillian felt some kind of camaraderie between them. A helpless sigh escaped his lips.

"Trust me, Miss Maia." He replied with much more sincerity than before. "There's nothing I wish more than that."

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