368: 7.58 To Be Selfish

7.58 To Be Selfish

"How much have you heard?"0

Even though Moshe was looking at him, Lu Yizhou couldn't help but feel like those golden eyes were seeing past him. His frown deepened as he recalled what Moshe was talking about with his right hand man, Kaede. Lu Yizhou wasn't really listening because he was too stunned by the revelation of the new bug. But it didn't mean he couldn't make a head or tail of it. 

He let out a helpless sigh. His lover hadn't really changed at all. This side of him reminded Lu Yizhou of Lan'er from the fourth world very much. Stubborn, persistent in his ideals, adamant on carrying the burden himself and pushing Lu Yizhou away again and again until the end…

Except this time, Lu Yizhou wouldn't let himself be pushed away again.

"Everything," he said.

Moshe's eyes flicked to him, surprised at his blatant honesty, then he let out a chuckle. He finally strolled closer to pour Lu Yizhou a glass of water, still without looking him in the eye. "Everything? You're too cocky, thinking that I won't doubt you at all, hmm? You have heard Kaede, haven't you? He suspects that you're the traitor because all of this mess only happens after your arrival. What do you have to say about that, pet?"

Lu Yizhou took the glass from Moshe and instead of answering, he reached out to stroke his knuckle across Moshe's cheekbones, so soft and gentle akin to the graze of butterfly's wings. Moshe's smile faltered for a split second but Lu Yizhou pretended not to notice. "You have dark shadows under your eyes. Why don't you sleep some more?" 

He chugged the water in a few large gulps, placed the glass on the nightstand and before Moshe could react, he dragged the man's wrist toward the bed. "Come here." His tone was inviting, beguiling… and he resisted a smile when Moshe's eyes turned dazed as he subconsciously climbed onto the bed. 

Not giving Moshe any time to react, Lu Yizhou laid them down side by side with Moshe's head tucked beneath his chin and wrapped his arms around Moshe, sighing in content. "If you're scared I would hear something I shouldn't, then you would not have talked to Kaede here. You know clearly I am not the traitor, but you have no way to convince your men. I have put you in a hard position." He felt Moshe's body stiffened in his arms and tightened his hold before the man could struggle.

"Where do you want to go?" Lu Yizhou drew back slightly to look into Moshe's eyes. At such a close distance, Moshe would have no way to escape his scrutiny. Lu Yizhou stared into those golden eyes that had been engraved into his soul and showed a tiny, derisive smile. "Do you wish to avoid me from now on? Or worse… do you plan to bring one of your toys here just to slight me, to make me disheartened?"

The flash of turmoil in Moshe's eyes was enough to give Lu Yizhou the answer he sought. He pursed his lips. Really? He had just casually blurted it out to gauge Moshe's reaction. Who knew that his intuition would be right on mark? Lu Yizhou was slightly offended. Did his lover think he was such a shallow man that something like that could discourage him?

"You… Don't talk nonsense!" Moshe spat out harshly. "On what basis do you accuse me?"

"Because you keep on averting your eyes. The Moshe I know…" Lu Yizhou grabbed Moshe's chin to force the man to look at him. Moshe's pupils dilated in shock and he instinctively pushed on Lu Yizhou's shoulders but Lu Yizhou didn't relent. "...will look his enemy right in the eye and hold his chin high as he challenges them—"

"Stop."

"—he will point his gun at them without any hesitation and make them kneel in front of them. He will—"

Moshe's voice shook. "I ordered you to stop speaking."

"—dominate them, pressure them with his sweet smiles and sharp words, stripping them of their defenses until they're utterly vulnerable—"

A fist flew and connected to Lu Yizhou's face, causing him to bite on the inside of his cheek. Metallic tang bloomed on the tip of his tongue. Despite the throbbing pain, Lu Yizhou's gaze didn't falter at all. He stared at Moshe, who looked like he was one second from exploding, and delivered the last blow in a quiet voice. "...and most importantly, he will not run away from any problem that comes his way. He's bold, courageous, beautiful and deathly—"

"What do you know?!" Moshe snapped and reached out to wrap his hands around Lu Yizhou's throat. Lu Yizhou let out a choked gasp as Moshe sat up on his knees, looming above him with bloodshot eyes. He growled out. "What do you know about me, Lu Yizhou?! You talk as if you know me more than myself. You don't even tell me anything about you and all of a sudden, you barge into my life and force me to break every single one of my habits and principles! You confuse me, infuriate me, draw me in, almost make me go crazy but why…?!" His rough voice softened almost immediately, tiny and fragile as if it had been wrenched out from the deepest chamber of his heart. "Why can't I turn you away? Why can't I let you go…?"

Lu Yizhou's heart broke into pieces at the massive turmoil storming in Moshe's eyes. His expression was twisted in fury and his golden eyes burned brighter than ever, almost glowing amidst the dim atmosphere. The rage was making itself known to the world, boiling Moshe inside out until all of his logical thoughts faded away. 

Moshe's grip on his throat loosened in lieu of punching the space beside Lu Yizhou's head again and again, his eyes blurred due to the frustrated tears. "I shouldn't have bought you from the arena…!" He gritted out. "I tried to tell myself that, but I couldn't even bring myself to regret the day I met you!" 

Lu Yizhou coughed quietly, eyes raking across Moshe's features and taking in his every word. Letting him vent out whatever emotions he had been holding inside himself.

"You forced your way to my side… breached my personal space… tested my bottom line again and again, and still! I can't find it in me to send you away!" Like a madman, he kept on slamming his fists down with his eyes trained on Lu Yizhou, his emotions in disarray. His barely standing defenses crumbled into dust in the face of Lu Yizhou's sincere words and gentle touches. "You confessed your feelings… then told me that you won't talk about it ever again. Who the hell do you think you are to play me like that!!"

Moshe's voice seemed to echo within the soundproofed room and now that he had turned silent, only the sound of his heavy breathing could be heard. He gnashed his teeth and a droplet of crystalline tear fell from his right eye to land on Lu Yizhou's lips. 

It tasted bitter… seeping into his aching heart and alighting every single nerve on his body. Moshe's fist didn't even touch him yet somehow… the pain was so vivid that Lu Yizhou felt it to the tips of his fingers. Moshe's glare was a physical weight, so heavy akin to sharp needles poking into every patch of skin it landed on.

Lu Yizhou stared up at him unblinkingly. Then slowly… he reached out to thumb the dampness on the corner of Moshe's eyes, a soft smile gracing his lips. "Thank you for telling me all of these things and I know it's against the rules but I have to say that… I am sorry." 

Before Moshe could react, Lu Yizhou sat up and grabbed the man's waist tightly, easily hoisting him up so he sat astride Lu Yizhou's lap. If being selfless only caused his lover pain then… it could just go to hell. "I'd like to apologize for two things. First, when I told you that I understand, when I told you that I will wait… I take them all back. I regret saying them to you."

Moshe took in a sharp inhale, all colors draining from his face. "You regret—"

Lu Yizhou held him tighter as his head slowly dropped to Moshe's shoulder, whispering the confession into the star-shaped birthmark below Moshe's collarbone. "I have decided to be selfish for once. I don't want to understand… and I don't want to wait either. I have loved you for so long… and I will die if I don't receive your love in return." Lu Yizhou chuckled deeply as he placed a kiss on the birthmark.

"I will not wait anymore for you to come to me. This time…" he breathed in Moshe's scent deeply. "I will come to you myself."

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