744: Baring His Heart

Baring His Heart

Luan's heart almost sank to the floor. He could more or less guess what the Head Administrator wanted to talk about and the desire to run away from this place overcame him, almost spurring him to move. He clenched his fists tightly, and the pain from where his nails dug into his palms helped him to remain clear-headed. No more running away Luan, he told himself. Alas, he still couldn't help but ask, "...Can I refuse?"2

Dr. Feng gave him a tight-lipped smile. "If you can give me one valid reason, then you may."

Alright, that was just the same as not giving him any choice at all. Luan huffed a wry chuckle. 

He had known that this day would come sooner or later, but there was just a tiny, tiny part of him that wished that time would be suspended at this moment, when he could openly stay by Dr. Feng's side and share his burden. It was a mundane bliss that he did not even dare to dream of. But he also knew Dr. Feng's temperament. He knew very well that this man was not the kind of person who liked to be stuck in the same place. 

It was unbelievable now that Luan thought about it. Clearly, he was a system and Dr. Feng was a human. Yet right now, the man in front of him was perfectly composed whereas he was the one overwhelmed by anxiety and dread. He felt as if there was a guillotine hanging above his head with Dr. Feng holding the lever. And it only needed one push for the man to determine his life and death.

"Fine…" Luan resigned to his fate. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Don't pretend to be a fool, Luan." Dr. Feng rolled his eyes. "You know exactly what I want to talk about."

Luan almost choked on his breath. He parted his lips, yet nothing came out of it.

He looked just like a big drenched puppy who found his house with much difficulty only to be kicked out by his owner again. Somewhere in Dr. Feng's heart twinged in pain and he almost became soft-hearted again. But he quickly stomped down that little bit of sympathy, crumpled it into a ball and buried it in the backyard of his mind. He should not be lenient anymore. He had given Luan more than enough time and now it was time to make things clear once and for all. "About Cyrus…" he said and Luan flinched. He pretended not to see that and continued, "How is your relationship with him? I mean… have you guys even met since… that day?"

"...I believe," Luan cleared his throat. His words came out stiff and mechanical. "I believe I have made it clear to him last time."

"Have you?" Dr. Feng's tone softened as though he was comforting a frightened animal. "So your relationship is over?"

It took a few seconds for Luan to nod. Wait, was it really a nod though? In Dr. Feng's eyes, it was more like the man was hanging his head lower. 

So in the end, had they really ended their relationship or not?

Dr. Feng pursed his lips. He really had no idea how to be subtle, so he just decided to be straightforward and asked what he wanted to know, "Have Cyrus agreed to it or… is it only your own one-sided decision?"

This time, Luan said nothing. But Dr. Feng could hear his sharp intake of breath as if the blunt question had jabbed him right where it hurt the most. 

The outstanding Head Administrator, whose IQ was higher than 140, could not help but feel an oncoming headache from this abstract problem. There was no question, nor was there a clear and concise solution. He had to take a roundabout way to find the crux of the matter and tackle it from there. And oh God… it was more difficult than any Math Olympiad questions combined into one. 

He leaned back on the chair and pressed on his aching temple, frustrated. He was really inexperienced in the matter of emotions and had no idea how to put it in a more gentle way. Alas, each time he almost lost his temper, one look at Luan was enough to douse the fire in his heart. He could not help but feel secretly amused. Just why the hell did Luan look like he was being sent to the execution ground? 

"Luan…" his voice came out along with a soft sigh. "You really like Cyrus, don't you? Not as the virtual character I created, not as my replacement, but–"

Luan cut him off, his voice hard and steely. "No."

Dr. Feng froze. He raised his head to see Luan staring at him, his gaze scorching in its intensity. Something in his eyes sent shivers down Dr. Feng's spine, making him forget what he was going to say. He saw Luan's fists clenched and unclenched, and his breathing grew slightly ragged. "You don't know… you don't know anything…" his voice was gravelly, thick with helplessness and heartrending pain. "Did you think that because I have projected my feelings for you onto Cyrus for so long… that I started to develop real feelings for him and what I feel toward you is nothing more than… nothing more than mere lingering obsession?"

Bingo. It was astonishing how Luan always had a way to pinpoint what he was thinking about. Dr. Feng really had no idea how he did it. He pressed his lips tight and said nothing. Yet his silence spoke louder than any words could.

Luan buried his face into his palms and murmured something incoherent. 

"Luan?" Dr. Feng straightened up in alert. He couldn't have made Luan cry again, could he?

"Fine…" Luan rubbed his face roughly, a mirthless chuckle escaped from his lips. "Fine, I know you will not understand unless I show it to your face."

Show what? Dr. Feng blinked, confused. Just as he wanted to ask what Luan meant by that, he watched as Luan's expression cooled and his dark eyes turned dull and vacant in a way which indicated that he had left his physical body behind. Dr. Feng was caught off guard for a second before shooting up to his feet. "Luan…?!" Why did he suddenly leave in the middle of conversation?!

He frantically looked around in search of Luan's figure and saw the nearby dots of light converging to form a glowing ball. It flew closer toward Dr. Feng in a nimble and agile manner like a firefly, then Luan's voice came out of it, "I will wait… until you finish going through this. Once you do, you will understand what I am talking about."

Dr. Feng reached out toward the pulsing ball and as soon as his finger touched it, a wall of information appeared in front of his eyes. If previously he was still confused, now he was shaken down to the core. To say that lightning had struck him right on the head would be an utter understatement. He stared at the hologram screen in front of him in disbelief.

It was Luan's main source code, the one which he did not have any authority to view. He recalled how shocked he was when he first discovered how he could not crack Luan's codes. It was also then that he had an inkling on what Luan's true identity was.

And now… the access had been granted to him. 

Dr. Feng sucked in a breath as the gravity of the matter dawned on him. His heartbeat echoed loudly in his ears. Right now, Luan was baring his core – his heart – to him… in the very literal sense.

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