106: High Five Your Face

High Five Your Face

Taliesin takes advantage of the frozen silence following his pronouncement to open his Status Window and switch his active Title to Chaotic Good.

"All right Nova, I'd like to [Follow My Chaotic Whims], please."

Before anyone can thaw enough brain cells to ask what in the nine hells that means, a hazy figure materializes in the middle of the bedroom.

Nanuk and Nightfury immediately fall into defensive stances. Kara, already on edge from the devs' bullshit, skips that step and goes directly to stabby-stabby.

The {[IMMORTAL OBJECT] Detected! Attack Failed!} warning is almost familiar at this point.

The blinding flash of light as giant golden scissors cut off the pointy end of Kara's spear, however, is new.

Ignoring Kara's wide-eyed, mute panic, Nightfury facepalms. "Did you seriously just pull an Erebus and attack a God?"

"In a safe zone, no less!" Taliesin cheers.

"You two really do deserve each other," Nanuk gasps, vaguely horrified. No one can tell if he means Erebus and Kara, or Erebus and Taliesin.

Beaming, Taliesin goes to high five Kara, but she leaves him hanging, too distracted by her broken weapon and the now-fully-formed Goddess looming above them, wild flame-red hair brushing the turret ceiling.

He shrugs, hand still in the air, and turns his hopeful gaze to the towering Goddess of Fate instead.

Her molten silver eyes narrow in suspicion, and literal sparks of flame flicker in her hair.

Nanuk inhales sharply, worry pouring off him in waves. Kara snaps out of her daze enough to tighten her grip on her broken spear-shaft and shift closer to the suicidal Pu`ca. Nightfury gruffly scoffs that he doesn't care what happens to the "pint-sized trouble-magnet," but his fingers twitch to signal a Quick Swap, replacing the arrows in his quiver to explosive.

The Goddess notices.

A shiver courses through Nightfury as those inhuman, pupilless eyes dart to stare at him—or, more like, through him. He has the uncanny feeling she's somehow seeing more than simple game data.

Then when he's sure she's about to Smite him where he stands, her lips twitch into a smirk. He shivers again, but this time for an entirely different reason.

He's friends with Erebus,—

—'No, we're reluctant acquaintances!' he mentally amends, because Denial—

—so he knows what a smirk like that means.

And before he can fully prepare himself for the impending insanity, the Goddess returns her attention to Taliesin. Of course, the kid shamelessly hits her with those Critical Hit Puss n Boots eyes and waves his lonely hand in her direction.

With an indulgent smile, the all-powerful Goddess shrugs back and raises her hand, too.

With a whoop, Taliesin leaps up and swings.

They high five with a resounding *slap!*

"Dear gods," Nightfury mutters in disbelief. "The Venn diagram of things you and Erebus wouldn't do and the things a person can do are literally two separate circles."

Nanuk whimpers a little.

"Hey Atropos!" Taliesin cheerfully greets the eldest Fate Sister, blithely ignoring his brother's quiet hysterics. "I didn't know the Fates were part of the Nova AI system,"

"They do reside in a supernova for the start-up sequence," Nightfury says casually, as if this whole situation is totally normal and he didn't just low-key threaten to explode a System Goddess. "I guess it makes sense."

"We do not Speak for most Nova protocols," Atropos disagrees in her low, smoky voice. "However, Chaotically-Aligned Heroes do appeal directly to us when attempting to alter reality. This time, you were holding a Guild Token when you invoked your Chaotic Good Title, so your proposed alteration may affect a core function of the System Universe. As such, I was sent to respond to your query in person and determine its viability on behalf of Grandmum."

"Grandmum?" Taliesin asks.

Atropos gives the boy a crooked, mischievous smile. "We Wyrd Sisters may be the daughters of Nyx, but we're the granddaughters of Chaos. We feel a special kinship to those who take up her mantle and act as Agents of Chaos."

Kara snorts. "So I take it you're familiar with Erebus, then?"

Atropos barks a laugh and snips her scissors. "Player Erebus is less an Agent and more the Embodiment of Chaos herself."

"Sounds about right." Nightfury glares up at the shitty Cursed Hat he's been stuck with since the first (and last) time he underestimated Erebus' penchant for chaos.

"He named himself well then, considering that in myth, Erebus is Chaos's partner," Taliesin muses.

"Indeed," Atropos replies, eyes flickering to the bed. For a split second, another indulgent smile softens her expression.

Then she shakes her head, and the moment is gone. "But enough about your slumbering friend. Player Taliesin, what did you wish to discuss?"

"My slumbering friend."

"Oh."

The Goddess looks thrown.

Nightfury almost feels sorry for her.

"Of course, should my proposal be accepted, it would affect all future Guild creation, so now's the perfect time to implement it," Taliesin continues eagerly. "First, though, can you tell me if there are any specific rules keeping one person from appointing *another* person a Guild Leader?"

Atropos frowns in confusion, but decides to humor him. As she mentally scans the relevant System code, her body freezes, but her eyes come alive, rippling like a drop fell into a pool of liquid silver.

It's mesmerizing.

When she finally blinks and mentally returns to them, the entire room exhales sharply. "Technically no, but functionally yes," she relays authoritatively. "There's no rule specifically prohibiting it, but the prospective Guild Leader needs to personally turn in the Guild Token, so..."

Taliesin's eyes gleam in triumph. "About that," he observes slyly, "I asked around the Adventurer's Association. Isn't it true you can't form a guild until you have an Adventurer Liaison because your Liaison technically turns in the token on your behalf? So wouldn't that mean a person's Liaison could turn in a token on their behalf even while they are, for example, asleep?"

As one, everyone turns to stare at the sleeping D'Raven.

'No,' prays Nanuk.

"Yes," says the all-knowing Goddess.

"Fuck," says Nightfury.

"Awesome," breathes Taliesin. Without further ado, he plops onto the edge of the bed and video calls his Liaison, a former knight named Gildehaut. It becomes clear Little Dude's been planning this since their arrival in Tara and had used the time in the carriage ride to great effect; when Gildehaut answers, Erebus' Liaison Alfryd is already standing right next to him, sharing the screen.

What follows is the some of the most impressive manipulation Nightfury has ever witnessed.

That it comes from the personification of sunshine and childlike innocence only makes it more unsettling to behold.

Taliesin carefully keeps the sleeping Erebus in the video frame the entire time, lightly jostling the bed so that the D'Raven's dark hair falls away from his face. Erebus looks surprisingly vulnerable in sleep, though the haunting tattoos add an otherworldly quality to his existence.

It's at once a reminder that Erebus has been royally screwed over by higher powers and deserves help, and also that he's a peerless force who could use that help to accomplish truly incredible batshittery.

Taliesin wastes no time reminding Alfryd that apparently Erebus's long-term goal is taking over the world—

—and why is THAT not surprising to literally anyone—

—and that having the claim to fame of being the Realm's first guild leader would help him achieve this dream.

"And isn't your main responsibility helping Erebus achieve his goals?" Taliesin challenges him. "Aren't you secretly excited to see if he can really do everything he claims?" From the sparkle in Taliesin's green eyes, it's clear he's just as excited at the prospect himself.

The final nail drives home when Taliesin turns so that Atropos appears in the frame, implying that even a System Goddess agrees with this madcap plan. He then innocently reminds the posh Liaison that Erebus can always transfer the guild to someone else if he really doesn't want it. This decision can't hurt him at all, can only further his fame and influence.

At this, Alfryd sends a questioning glance to the goddess. Taliesin hasn't said anything specifically untrue, so she's forced to nod.

Alfryd's too well-mannered to dramatically sigh, so he sips tea instead. Somehow, it still feels like a dramatic sigh.2

"Fine," he finally caves.

"What." Even though Nightfury was there for the entire exchange, he can't actually believe this worked.

"It is as you say, young Pu`ca," Alfryd acknowledges Taliesin with a slight bow. "Meet us as the Adventurer's Association with the token at your earliest convenience."

Then the call ends, and Taliesin pops up like nothing happened.

"What." Nightfury feels it bears repeating.

"What what?" Taliesin asks blankly. 

Nanuk manages a pained gurgle.

Kara slaps Taliesin's back so affectionately, she gets another [SAFE ZONE] warning.

Atropos bursts out laughing and offers Taliesin another high five.

Nightfury didn't know gods could laugh, and honestly, wishes he still didn't.

"Well done, my little chaos demon," the Fate coos, and Taliesin immediately shifts into his goat demon form. She ruffles the tuft of hair between his curled horns. "It appears you have this all in hand. What did you need me for?"

"While it was convenient to have your help to convince Alfryd, what I really need from you is to calibrate the system to keep the [GUILD] tab grayed out on Erebus's status window until he manually Turns On Guild Notifications. So until then, he doesn't get any notifications at all; they all go directly to the Vice Guild Leader instead. And in general, the system should allow all Inner Circle Guild Members to be able to Turn Off Guild Notifications and Responsibilities whenever they want."

Atropos looks intrigued. "The reason?"

"Given the insanity players like Erebus and other leader-types get up to, it seems important to have the ability to turn off all possible distractions and visual/auditory notifications. Plus, Viren's Refuge has made a big deal about how this game will go above and beyond in granting Vice Guild Leaders and Raid Commanders true system-acknowledged powers and responsibilities. This is a logical extension of that."

Atropos nods in silent agreement, as do Nanuk and Kara. Clearly, they'd cared enough to pay attention to the adverts and Main Forum posts. 

Nightfury hadn't, since he didn't give a shit about guilds. "Seems like a lot of work just to make that idiot a guild leader."

Taliesin scoffs. "It's not like I went to all this trouble for just that. I'm all about the long game."

With an impish smirk, he sits down on the window seat, one leg crossed over the other, and strokes his literal goatee like an evil mastermind.

"The goal isn't to make Erebus a Guild Leader without his knowledge. The goal is to KEEP Erebus a Guild Leader without his knowledge."

"Why?" Atropos asks, as confused as the rest of them.

"The long answer is Erebus has a bunch of weird hang-ups and doesn't seem to think he should lead a guild. But if we can set it up right, he could be the best most awesome Guild Leader ever, and we'll get all the advantages and rewards that come from being in the best most awesome guild ever, and he'll hopefully never know so he'll never be able to quit!"

He sounds far too chipper for the insanity pouring out of his mouth.

"And the short answer?" Kara finally asks. 

Taliesin shrugs. "It's funny."

There's a silent beat while it sinks in for everyone that Taliesin is willing to alter a core component of arguably the most influential software in history in the name of pulling a prank.

Nanuk bangs his head against the wall.

Kara looks like she wants to argue, then freezes. "Wait. What Little Dude's saying is impossible, because there's no way he won't eventually figure out he's in a guild, but…"

Nightfury squints, suspicious. "But what?"

"But if the System works with us, it could be a ridiculously long time before the jig is up!" Taliesin chimes in. "And by then, we'll be able to prove to him he should stay Guild Leader forever and ever, and he'll be in too deep to give it up. If we do enough awesome stuff, he may even be like, 'Oh dang, I sure wish I was in this awesome guild that keeps breaking records,' and then we'll be able to be like, 'Psych! You already are!'"

Nanuk bangs his head harder.

"Don't be like that, Nan," Kara wheezes through a sudden fit of giggles. "Imagine how hilarious it'll be to see Erebus's face weeks from now when he finally realizes that the random guild that keeps popping up in the forums is actually his?"

Even Nightfury can't help laughing his ass off at the thought. "Especially since the bastard always spouts his 'I could never be a leader!' crap and then proceeds to make himself Party Leader and win all the damn loot. It's perfect."

Taliesin grins, baring his fangs. "Glad you think so! Now we just need a Vice Guild Leader to get this show on the road!"

As one, everyone turns to Nightfury, even Nanuk, who just rolls his head still against the wall to stare him down.

With a choke, Nightfury's laughter abruptly cuts off.

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