240: Coping Mechanism

Coping Mechanism

After he got everything done, the prince left his study and went back to his chamber. When he arrived there, he saw the two maids were still standing in front of the door.0

"Has Lady Emmelyn called you? Did she need anything?" He asked them.

"No, Your Highness..." Both maids shook their heads in unison. They looked worried that the master would punish them for not doing their job.

Much to their surprise, he didn't. He only motioned them to leave as he knocked softly on the door twice and then entered.

It was almost midnight and he thought maybe Emmelyn had fallen asleep.

She must be tired and hungry, he thought gloomily. She had not eaten dinner. Well, neither did he.

When he entered, he saw the candles by the bedside tables were almost burned. He walked with very light steps toward the bed, so he wouldn't wake her up if she was asleep.

"You're back..."  Suddenly, Mars could hear Emmelyn speak in a barely audible voice.

Ahh.. apparently, his wife was not sleeping. Mars immediately came to approach her and sat by the edge of the bed. 

"Yes, I'm here. I am worried about you. That's why I came back." He saw her lay down dejectedly, with a pillow in her embrace. It was wet with her tears. Mars decided to take that pillow from her and replaced it with a new one from the cupboard. "Here, use this one."

Emmelyn complied and hugged the new pillow, without saying anything. Mars wanted to ask how she was feeling, but he knew it was a stupid question.

Of course, she was feeling sad, devastated, so many other negative emotions.

Perhaps, she was even feeling angry with him because he caused Killian's death.

When her mind became calmer and she could think straight, she would realize that Mars really had no choice.

Killian brought it upon himself. So, Emmelyn must understand that it was not really Mars' fault.

However, Mars knew better not to talk some sense into a grieving woman. He would let her grieve and take her personal time to process everything that had happened.

Sometimes, you could show that you loved someone by leaving them alone. And that's what he would do. But, tonight he didn't want her to sleep by herself. She might have nightmares... or she might succumb to her sadness that it would make her feel worse.

"I want to go to the royal palace tomorrow and meet my parents. I want to tell them that we are already married," Mars explained. "I think, after what happened today, it's better to come clean."

He looked at her face, to gauge her reaction.

There was none. He didn't take it personally and asked her the question, "Do you want to go with me?"

Emmelyn bit her lip. Right now, the hatred that she had buried deep inside her heart for the Strongmoor family had resurfaced.

Would she want to meet the people responsible for her family's demise?

No. She would not be able to hold back herself and she might attack the king.

Emmelyn thought the wounds in her heart from losing her family had recovered, but Killian's death proved her otherwise. In fact, it tore open the old wound and even add salt to it.

It felt so, so painful that she felt like her chest burned with anger and grudge.

This man, her husband, was the only thing that kept her from going berserk. She loved him and knew he didn't mean her harm. She trusted that he would never hurt her intentionally.

She shook her head and replied flatly. "I don't want to go. I might not want to see your father for a long time. I hope you don't mind."

Mars was sad to hear her statement, but he understood where she came from. He took her hands with his and squeezed them gently.

"Of course, I don't mind," he replied softly. "Take as much time as you need."

"Thank you." Emmelyn saw her hands in his and her mind was distracted by the difference in their sizes.

Her hands were tiny compared to his. If he took her hands like this, it felt like he was protecting her hands and not let anything touch them. They were quite well hidden between his palms.

She really liked his hands.

They had callouses from using swords and arrows so much, but she loved the feeling of his rough palms on her hands. She thought they were manly.

[Gosh.. what was I thinking?]

[My brother just died and all I could think about was his fucking hands?]

[Emmelyn, are you even human??]

Emmelyn subconsciously withdrew her hands from his and looked at them in horror. Gosh, what was she doing?

She felt so guilty for thinking about such an unrelated thing when she was supposed to be mourning for her brother.

Mars was surprised by her action. He looked at her with a confused expression and a hint of worry. Why did she do that? He was wondering.

Did she hate him so much that she suddenly didn't want him to hold her hands?

Meanwhile, Emmelyn slowly realized that her mind intentionally stopped thinking about her family's death and especially about Killian's murder earlier today. Instead, it wandered to unimportant things like their hands.

Apparently, it was her coping mechanism. Her mind just preferred to block out the sadness from her head, and filled her mind with trivial things.

Actually, that was what she had been doing after her tears went dry and she could no longer shed tears, before Mars entered this chamber. She just sat there in bed, looking at the ceiling with an empty mind.

"Honey... do you hate me?" Mars asked with a choked voice. He was really distraught by Emmelyn's treatment just now.

If she really hated him because of Killian's death, Mars would be so disappointed and sad. He did everything for her and even threw away his honor for her sake.

It would be heartbreaking on his part if Emmelyn didn't see how much he loved her and threw their love away because of her hatred for his family.

Emmelyn shook her head hurriedly. She just realized what happened and didn't want him to misunderstand.

"No.. sorry, I don't mean it." She then added, "I didn't mean to push you away. It was done out of reflex. I was surprised by something."

"Ah.. okay." Mars looked at her attentively. He was relieved to find that her eyes looked sincere. 

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